This blog post has been brewing for quite a while now. God has rocked my world in ways that at first I was hesitant, fearful, and anxious.
You see we started this adoption process because we wanted to grow our family through adoption.
We wanted to give a child a home that needed one. But at the same time, we wanted to do what felt safe. What wasn't scary.
Ethiopia's wait has continued to increase, and as I posted before we had began our paper work with DHS to pursue kids that we already knew and loved. Those children are no longer an option for us to pursue. So we continued with our DHS application and continue to become an approved DHS home for foster and adoption.
To be honest, we felt God tugging us to Ethiopia because of how great need there was. And because of friends of ours that had adopted Internationally. But we also knew he was calling us to DHS. But to me, DHS has always been scary because of the horror stories you hear. So I avoided it at all costs, until God brought those precious kiddos into our lives to challenge that fear and show us its not as scary as I had made it.
We have told our DHS worker that right now, we wanted to be considered an adoptive home until later on when we feel "ready" to foster. You see, it was heartbreaking losing the kids, we didn't want to loose another child/ren right now. We only wanted to do what was "safe" and continue being only adoptive. And then foster later on once we had adopted and completed "our plans".
Well, once again... God has challenged my "safe" thinking. You see, I'm learning how he works. He breaks my heart and challenges me to harder things.
I volunteer at the local emergency shelter, well... I fell in love with a 7 year old boy, he broke my heart and made me want nothing more than to get him out! So.... we are now stepping out and asking if we can foster this little man to get him out of the shelter and provide the love and support that he needs. When I look at this precious boy I can see that all he needs is someone in his corner, someone to tell him he is loved and good. I want to be that person. Whether I am that person to him for 1 week, 2 years, or the remainder of his life. Regardless of how much it hurts and how painful it is to let go when that time comes. Love without limitations!
God spoke to me..... ITS NOT ABOUT ME. I keep wanting to do what is safe and easy - what will hurt the least, what I am "ready" for. But he has continued to remind me how our job isn't to judge what is going to be best for us - we called to do what is NEEDED not WANTED, regardless of the hurt or pain it causes. These children weren't "ready" to be uprooted from all they know and stuck in a shelter, if I don't step up who will??? If I continue to insist on getting what I want, what about these kids??? Is this what they wanted??? Is this what they asked for???? As Christians, God calls us to be selfless, to die to ourselves daily. So here we are, jumping in! Letting go of our wants and desires and being open to meeting the needs of those in front of us, whether its fostering or adoption. We are leaving it in God's hands to work out. He's got us in his hands...
Monday, November 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
The Wilderness
As our adoption journey continues, and we keep pressing on. I keep going back to Exodus and the Israelites trek through the wilderness.
I keep going back and studying and studying trying to grasp what God is trying to show me. I keep feeling like we are there, walking in this wilderness.... having no idea when we will finally reach our destination. And having to completely trust God to provide all of our needs.
Then it clicked.
As I read of their time in the wilderness, I continue to see the many times they question God and worry that he isn't going to take care of them. First they were worried about water, then food, then water again. And every single time God proved that he had them in his hands the entire time.
Reading this from an outsiders view - I was like HELLO people! Don't you know he will take care of you, aren't you aware of all the amazing things he has done to provide in the past???
I read this when searching different studies on the wilderness online:
"Somehow, no matter how many times the Lord comes through for the Israelites, they are inclined to doubt God’s immediate presence and ability. After the plagues, the parting of the sea, the provision of water, bread, and quail, why would Israel not be absolutely confident whenever they encounter difficulty? Yet the slightest adversity throws them."
As I look back on our journey, I can see where every stumbling block, another increased wait time, or a denial of adopting kids that your heart just aches to be their parents.... every single time - we go back to God and whine and wonder where he's at in it all. If he's going to make it happen, if he is going to bring children into our home, if he will finally deliver and provide our hearts calling and desire. And every single time we are reminded of what he has done. We are reminded of his faithfulness and reminded of his promises. We by no means doubt God or doubt that adoption is something he has called us to... but we question his timing, we question the journey, and we question the hurts. Not much difference in us and the Israelites.
Why do we question when we know he has always been faithful? We can look back and very very evidently see Gods provision in ALL of it. We can see his provision in the hurts, in the set backs, in all the frustrations of waiting. He is there in all of it. Every part of our journey has led us to something better, and closer to our destination and yet we continue to question whether or not he is there in the wilderness with us.
Where are you at? Are you stuck in the wilderness questioning God's faithfulness? Look back and see all the things he has provided and been faithful in and remind yourself... there is no reason to doubt his presence, even in the wilderness.
I keep going back and studying and studying trying to grasp what God is trying to show me. I keep feeling like we are there, walking in this wilderness.... having no idea when we will finally reach our destination. And having to completely trust God to provide all of our needs.
Then it clicked.
As I read of their time in the wilderness, I continue to see the many times they question God and worry that he isn't going to take care of them. First they were worried about water, then food, then water again. And every single time God proved that he had them in his hands the entire time.
Reading this from an outsiders view - I was like HELLO people! Don't you know he will take care of you, aren't you aware of all the amazing things he has done to provide in the past???
I read this when searching different studies on the wilderness online:
"Somehow, no matter how many times the Lord comes through for the Israelites, they are inclined to doubt God’s immediate presence and ability. After the plagues, the parting of the sea, the provision of water, bread, and quail, why would Israel not be absolutely confident whenever they encounter difficulty? Yet the slightest adversity throws them."
As I look back on our journey, I can see where every stumbling block, another increased wait time, or a denial of adopting kids that your heart just aches to be their parents.... every single time - we go back to God and whine and wonder where he's at in it all. If he's going to make it happen, if he is going to bring children into our home, if he will finally deliver and provide our hearts calling and desire. And every single time we are reminded of what he has done. We are reminded of his faithfulness and reminded of his promises. We by no means doubt God or doubt that adoption is something he has called us to... but we question his timing, we question the journey, and we question the hurts. Not much difference in us and the Israelites.
Why do we question when we know he has always been faithful? We can look back and very very evidently see Gods provision in ALL of it. We can see his provision in the hurts, in the set backs, in all the frustrations of waiting. He is there in all of it. Every part of our journey has led us to something better, and closer to our destination and yet we continue to question whether or not he is there in the wilderness with us.
Where are you at? Are you stuck in the wilderness questioning God's faithfulness? Look back and see all the things he has provided and been faithful in and remind yourself... there is no reason to doubt his presence, even in the wilderness.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
God knows :)
If you would have asked Daniel and I one year and a half ago where we would be at in our lives right now. It definitely wouldn't have looked like this.
We were talking the other day, we thought we would have a referral from Ethiopia by now. We had this plan for our lives, and guess what - it didn't happen :) We think we know what our lives will be and how things will end up but the reality is - it is totally out of our hands and we have no clue. Only God does. He is the only one who knows what our lives will look like or where our journeys will take us.
When we began the process to adopt from ET, I was terrified to adopt through DHS. Being from a certain county in Oklahoma that's DHS has a terrible reputation - I was terrified to work with them. I didn't want anything to do with it. I always wanted to adopt through DHS but just knew I did not want to in that county because of all the terrible things I had heard. So that's why we decided to adopt through ET first - plus the fact that we knew we would have to fundraise and do lots of travel we thought doing this with no children would be easier.
Then all in a whirlwind it seemed, we fell in love with children in foster care, moved to my hometown, wait continues to increase for ET, decided to do foster care while we waited on the children in foster care, found out we aren't getting them, and now we are adopting/fostering through DHS - in a different county :) God has a way of making us do things. And I honestly truly believe that everything that happened with the kids has brought us to this point for a purpose. We have no clue what will come next, and honestly after everything listed above I have finally grasped - I need not even try to figure it out or guess. haha. Finally God I have learned I know nothing of what my future holds :)
I just want to encourage everyone that you feel like where your journey has ended up or taken you isn't what you were expecting... just wait. The journey is never ending and you have no clue where it will take you. Yes it will not be easy and it will hurt, but God's plan is so much greater than ours could ever be. And I have to continue to remind myself that God wants good things for me, and has BIG plans for me. I can't wait to see what's next, and am eager for our "next" to be some darn cute kids. haha
We were talking the other day, we thought we would have a referral from Ethiopia by now. We had this plan for our lives, and guess what - it didn't happen :) We think we know what our lives will be and how things will end up but the reality is - it is totally out of our hands and we have no clue. Only God does. He is the only one who knows what our lives will look like or where our journeys will take us.
When we began the process to adopt from ET, I was terrified to adopt through DHS. Being from a certain county in Oklahoma that's DHS has a terrible reputation - I was terrified to work with them. I didn't want anything to do with it. I always wanted to adopt through DHS but just knew I did not want to in that county because of all the terrible things I had heard. So that's why we decided to adopt through ET first - plus the fact that we knew we would have to fundraise and do lots of travel we thought doing this with no children would be easier.
Then all in a whirlwind it seemed, we fell in love with children in foster care, moved to my hometown, wait continues to increase for ET, decided to do foster care while we waited on the children in foster care, found out we aren't getting them, and now we are adopting/fostering through DHS - in a different county :) God has a way of making us do things. And I honestly truly believe that everything that happened with the kids has brought us to this point for a purpose. We have no clue what will come next, and honestly after everything listed above I have finally grasped - I need not even try to figure it out or guess. haha. Finally God I have learned I know nothing of what my future holds :)
I just want to encourage everyone that you feel like where your journey has ended up or taken you isn't what you were expecting... just wait. The journey is never ending and you have no clue where it will take you. Yes it will not be easy and it will hurt, but God's plan is so much greater than ours could ever be. And I have to continue to remind myself that God wants good things for me, and has BIG plans for me. I can't wait to see what's next, and am eager for our "next" to be some darn cute kids. haha
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Not the news we were hoping for...
We are not getting the siblings we had been pursuing adopting in foster care.
As hard as it is to accept, we have great peace in it all and know that God's hand is definitely in all of it.
I have not shared much of the situation with the kids, because I don't know how much is too much to share. But all I can say is, the children we were pursuing were part of a large sibling set. Our hearts definitely would want them to be able to stay together if possible. And we had actually been praying that they would be, because we knew what would happen if that wasn't able to happen. But we wanted to be an option to adopt if they were not able to do this.
To sum up the email from the caseworker. We found a home for all of them, they will be moving to another state, it could take a little bit of time to get them there. The end.
My heart sank when I read the email. It was something God had laid on our hearts to pray for at our most recent Foster Care training. We felt that he led us to pray for them to find a family for all of the siblings to stay together. It was hard to pray against what our hearts wanted, but we did it. Haha we even considered taking them ALL to avoid praying for this, don't think that was what God intended. And he answered our prayers. We could not be more happy about that, if you could just see the love these kids have for one another you would understand. But we didn't expect it so fast. And regardless of praying for it, it was still something our hearts were a little shocked to hear. We love these kids so much. We have spent lots of time with them, and it would have been an honor to be their parents, but the fact is... its not happening.
Its been hard how callous some people have been upon hearing the news we weren't getting them. Like oh well, move onto the next kid. I don't think people grasp you have to grieve this vision you had for you future, grieve this family you were ready to start together. We had their middle names all picked out, and how we wanted to decorate their rooms, toys we had purchased. I think one of the hardest parts is grasping the fact that we will never know the people they will become. I desperately would love to know what they make of themselves in this world as they grow. Its so hard even when you tell yourself constantly that its a huge possibility. It still hurts.
The fact is, we're grieving and hurting the loss of our future with these children. But we know very well that God was all up in this whole situation, and I am thankful he let me in on it a bit by laying on my heart to pray for this. I was somewhat more prepared than I would have been had he not. So for that I am grateful.
Do I think our time with these kids was a waste? No!!! I know that God used them to open our eyes to SO MUCH! They blessed us in a mighty way and we will never forget it. Without them we wouldn't have began the process to Foster, or be open to adopting older children, or be open to adopting siblings.... God has opened our eyes to some things that we will use to press forward and continue our journey with.
To be continued as to what our future holds...... Only the Lord knows haha!
As hard as it is to accept, we have great peace in it all and know that God's hand is definitely in all of it.
I have not shared much of the situation with the kids, because I don't know how much is too much to share. But all I can say is, the children we were pursuing were part of a large sibling set. Our hearts definitely would want them to be able to stay together if possible. And we had actually been praying that they would be, because we knew what would happen if that wasn't able to happen. But we wanted to be an option to adopt if they were not able to do this.
To sum up the email from the caseworker. We found a home for all of them, they will be moving to another state, it could take a little bit of time to get them there. The end.
My heart sank when I read the email. It was something God had laid on our hearts to pray for at our most recent Foster Care training. We felt that he led us to pray for them to find a family for all of the siblings to stay together. It was hard to pray against what our hearts wanted, but we did it. Haha we even considered taking them ALL to avoid praying for this, don't think that was what God intended. And he answered our prayers. We could not be more happy about that, if you could just see the love these kids have for one another you would understand. But we didn't expect it so fast. And regardless of praying for it, it was still something our hearts were a little shocked to hear. We love these kids so much. We have spent lots of time with them, and it would have been an honor to be their parents, but the fact is... its not happening.
Its been hard how callous some people have been upon hearing the news we weren't getting them. Like oh well, move onto the next kid. I don't think people grasp you have to grieve this vision you had for you future, grieve this family you were ready to start together. We had their middle names all picked out, and how we wanted to decorate their rooms, toys we had purchased. I think one of the hardest parts is grasping the fact that we will never know the people they will become. I desperately would love to know what they make of themselves in this world as they grow. Its so hard even when you tell yourself constantly that its a huge possibility. It still hurts.
The fact is, we're grieving and hurting the loss of our future with these children. But we know very well that God was all up in this whole situation, and I am thankful he let me in on it a bit by laying on my heart to pray for this. I was somewhat more prepared than I would have been had he not. So for that I am grateful.
Do I think our time with these kids was a waste? No!!! I know that God used them to open our eyes to SO MUCH! They blessed us in a mighty way and we will never forget it. Without them we wouldn't have began the process to Foster, or be open to adopting older children, or be open to adopting siblings.... God has opened our eyes to some things that we will use to press forward and continue our journey with.
To be continued as to what our future holds...... Only the Lord knows haha!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I feel like a slacker...
Lately, I am just unmotivated. I feel like there is nothing to write about or share. We are stuck in the waiting part of our adoption and it seems as though it will continue to be a LONG time.
We received an email from our agency that once again the wait times have increased, it is now 30-36 months for a referral. Honestly, it will continue to increase is what we have been told. Its heartbreaking really. We feel stuck, and have no clue what's next.
With us trying to adopt through foster care - we have been told over and over to move on and forget these kids. Their case worker has told us that its going to take a LONG time because their case is so complex. We love these kids, and we can't just walk away from them. We just don't feel like we can move on until they are in a permanent placement. We are praying for a miracle and praying that God will fight for us and these kids. That he will move mountains for them. Please pray with us.
One thing we have come to the conclusion of, is we are tired of waiting - we are tired of having a calling in our hearts and not being able to see put this calling into action. So we have decided that while we wait on both Ethiopia and the siblings in foster care that we are going to become foster parents. We just want to feel like we are doing something productive and meaningful. Our training starts this Saturday- we are very excited about getting this process started. Please pray for us in this adventure, I know it is going to be so hard to let these kids into our hearts, and then they leave... But pray that God would just protect our hearts and allow us to be the love these children need why they are waiting until their situations are worked out where they are able to go back to their family or while they are waiting for a new one.
I do want to share this - I had the blessing of getting to attend a Tim Timmons worship service along with All Sons and Daughters. I was SO blessed by his music - if you've never heard of him - please go check him out! I wanted to share one of his songs that just meets me where I've been the last couple months.
"Great Reward"
We received an email from our agency that once again the wait times have increased, it is now 30-36 months for a referral. Honestly, it will continue to increase is what we have been told. Its heartbreaking really. We feel stuck, and have no clue what's next.
With us trying to adopt through foster care - we have been told over and over to move on and forget these kids. Their case worker has told us that its going to take a LONG time because their case is so complex. We love these kids, and we can't just walk away from them. We just don't feel like we can move on until they are in a permanent placement. We are praying for a miracle and praying that God will fight for us and these kids. That he will move mountains for them. Please pray with us.
One thing we have come to the conclusion of, is we are tired of waiting - we are tired of having a calling in our hearts and not being able to see put this calling into action. So we have decided that while we wait on both Ethiopia and the siblings in foster care that we are going to become foster parents. We just want to feel like we are doing something productive and meaningful. Our training starts this Saturday- we are very excited about getting this process started. Please pray for us in this adventure, I know it is going to be so hard to let these kids into our hearts, and then they leave... But pray that God would just protect our hearts and allow us to be the love these children need why they are waiting until their situations are worked out where they are able to go back to their family or while they are waiting for a new one.
I do want to share this - I had the blessing of getting to attend a Tim Timmons worship service along with All Sons and Daughters. I was SO blessed by his music - if you've never heard of him - please go check him out! I wanted to share one of his songs that just meets me where I've been the last couple months.
"Great Reward"
I trust in You for every heartbeat
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
Oh Lord, my great reward
I know this is dangerous
Daring just to pray this
I will trust You Lord
The rock throughout the ages
You make me courageous
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
Oh Lord, my great reward
I know this is dangerous
Daring just to pray this
I will trust You Lord
The rock throughout the ages
You make me courageous
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Our secret...
We have been keeping a secret for a few months... Due to the wait times for Ethiopia continuing to increase... We are actually pursuing adopting two kids that are currently in foster care. We know these kids and already have a relationship with them. We have been fearful of sharing bc it has been a very messy process and lots of back and forth stuff and we keep getting different information. So we in fear decided to not share bc we weren't 100% of it happening.
Today we decided, why be in fear and hiding this from everyone when we could just share it with everyone and ask for prayers for us in this journey as well.
We are continuing to wait on Ethiopia, but will be adopting these two while we wait. There is just such a great need in America and in Ethiopia, and everywhere really. And we cant just continue to sit and wait while there are kids here now that need us.
So please keep our family in your prayers as well as these two children. Pray that Dhs moves soon, and make a decision in the children's best interest.
Today we decided, why be in fear and hiding this from everyone when we could just share it with everyone and ask for prayers for us in this journey as well.
We are continuing to wait on Ethiopia, but will be adopting these two while we wait. There is just such a great need in America and in Ethiopia, and everywhere really. And we cant just continue to sit and wait while there are kids here now that need us.
So please keep our family in your prayers as well as these two children. Pray that Dhs moves soon, and make a decision in the children's best interest.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Been awhile....
Sorry, I know, I know.... I've been a slacker. Mostly because I'm just at a loss I guess for what to say and share.
We are 11 months DTE June 6th. Its hard for me to see that number I guess. 1 year ago, we thought by this point we would be about to receive a referral. Its all changed.
When we began the process in February of 2012, the approx wait time by then was 12-14 months. Now we are looking at a possibility of 5 years. Breaks my heart to type that.
We are currently #63 on the unofficial waiting list for our agency. That number has not changed for about 2-3 months. Its depressing. We started out as #89, and that is all we have moved in nearly one year :/
Not depressing because of my own selfish desires by any means... but depressing because there are still children waiting too, just like we are but on the other end. Its not fair. Families ready, kiddos needing homes.... but red tape.
Unadoption related updates:
Daniel and I have had lots of change lately. We moved. New jobs. New church. A lot is different.
But for me, some things are still very much the same. You see, I did everything in power to avoid moving back to my hometown. I always swore when I left this place I would be GONE, and would not be coming back. When offered a job in my hometown, it was very hard to refuse. Great opportunity pay wise, and great benefits. BUT I still would not be living there. We searched and searched for houses in other towns about 30 minutes away. I am pretty positive we looked at 20+ houses trying to stay away. Every door was slammed in our face. ugh. So then, we decided to look there.... my hometown. And the exact day we went with our realtor to look at houses there, a PERFECT house popped up on the site. And it was just as gorgeous in person as in the photos. We could not turn down a great house, at a much better price than all the houses we had been looking at elsewhere. So here I am. Back in my hometown.
To be honest, I didn't get it. I did not understand why God led us here. Even in the midst of my swearing I wouldn't come back. EVER.
About a week or two of living here.... he showed me.
You see, in my previous posts I talk about my Senior year, and how it was such a hard year for me with my grandpa passing away.
I know, you're wondering what that has to do with it... Well you see, I was running away. trying to forget. I did not like driving by the places I used to see my grandpa every day, like the Donut Shop every morning. I hated driving by the High school and thinking of him bringing me lunch on occasion, or going to the wrestling tournaments or basketball games with him. It was too hard. I didnt want to remember. I didnt want to see it all.
But God has shown me, there is peace in those memories. They were the good times. They were the things I loved to remember. And my hurt and anger had made them bad... Grief does that I guess, ruins the good stuff. I thought I was done with all that, thought I had let go of it all. But the truth was, I had in a way.... but I needed to get back to the good things, and not keep trying to push it ALL away - instead of just the hard stuff. Its okay to remember now... I like remembering. I miss him in a happy sense I guess. Its no longer a sad way of missing him.
I guess I just needed to get back here to heal. I needed to remember the good. Not just with my grandpa... God is actually making me face a lot of my past that I was running from lately. But its good. Im growing and healing!It has been very interesting to be challenged in such a weird way? Nothing that I would have expected. But my heart has changed, and its so awesome. :)
We are 11 months DTE June 6th. Its hard for me to see that number I guess. 1 year ago, we thought by this point we would be about to receive a referral. Its all changed.
When we began the process in February of 2012, the approx wait time by then was 12-14 months. Now we are looking at a possibility of 5 years. Breaks my heart to type that.
We are currently #63 on the unofficial waiting list for our agency. That number has not changed for about 2-3 months. Its depressing. We started out as #89, and that is all we have moved in nearly one year :/
Not depressing because of my own selfish desires by any means... but depressing because there are still children waiting too, just like we are but on the other end. Its not fair. Families ready, kiddos needing homes.... but red tape.
Unadoption related updates:
Daniel and I have had lots of change lately. We moved. New jobs. New church. A lot is different.
But for me, some things are still very much the same. You see, I did everything in power to avoid moving back to my hometown. I always swore when I left this place I would be GONE, and would not be coming back. When offered a job in my hometown, it was very hard to refuse. Great opportunity pay wise, and great benefits. BUT I still would not be living there. We searched and searched for houses in other towns about 30 minutes away. I am pretty positive we looked at 20+ houses trying to stay away. Every door was slammed in our face. ugh. So then, we decided to look there.... my hometown. And the exact day we went with our realtor to look at houses there, a PERFECT house popped up on the site. And it was just as gorgeous in person as in the photos. We could not turn down a great house, at a much better price than all the houses we had been looking at elsewhere. So here I am. Back in my hometown.
To be honest, I didn't get it. I did not understand why God led us here. Even in the midst of my swearing I wouldn't come back. EVER.
About a week or two of living here.... he showed me.
You see, in my previous posts I talk about my Senior year, and how it was such a hard year for me with my grandpa passing away.
I know, you're wondering what that has to do with it... Well you see, I was running away. trying to forget. I did not like driving by the places I used to see my grandpa every day, like the Donut Shop every morning. I hated driving by the High school and thinking of him bringing me lunch on occasion, or going to the wrestling tournaments or basketball games with him. It was too hard. I didnt want to remember. I didnt want to see it all.
But God has shown me, there is peace in those memories. They were the good times. They were the things I loved to remember. And my hurt and anger had made them bad... Grief does that I guess, ruins the good stuff. I thought I was done with all that, thought I had let go of it all. But the truth was, I had in a way.... but I needed to get back to the good things, and not keep trying to push it ALL away - instead of just the hard stuff. Its okay to remember now... I like remembering. I miss him in a happy sense I guess. Its no longer a sad way of missing him.
I guess I just needed to get back here to heal. I needed to remember the good. Not just with my grandpa... God is actually making me face a lot of my past that I was running from lately. But its good. Im growing and healing!It has been very interesting to be challenged in such a weird way? Nothing that I would have expected. But my heart has changed, and its so awesome. :)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
7 months DTE
Yesterday was our 7 month mark of waiting, and we are currently #69 on the Unofficial waiting list. We started out at #82, so were moving on up bit by bit.
We still have a ways to go but every little bit brings us one step closer.
I wanted to take a moment to tell everyone to go check out an organization I greatly appreciate. The work they are doing is great! It is called Both Ends Burning, you can check them out here: http://bothendsburning.org/ They have a petition you can sign to join forces with them in advocating for a better process for adoptions to be better streamlined and quicked to benefit both children and families. Which is very much needed!
They have a documentary that was filmed called STUCK, they will be doing a tour around the US to show this video. I want to encourage you to check out when they will be in your area, and consider going or even volunteering. I know my husband and I will be volunteering for them when they come to our state. I appreciate someone standing up to take a stand with us, and to fight for these children as well as for us families fighting this long hard battle of WAITING! So please go and check them out, and show your support for us adopting families by signing this petition.
We still have a ways to go but every little bit brings us one step closer.
I wanted to take a moment to tell everyone to go check out an organization I greatly appreciate. The work they are doing is great! It is called Both Ends Burning, you can check them out here: http://bothendsburning.org/ They have a petition you can sign to join forces with them in advocating for a better process for adoptions to be better streamlined and quicked to benefit both children and families. Which is very much needed!
They have a documentary that was filmed called STUCK, they will be doing a tour around the US to show this video. I want to encourage you to check out when they will be in your area, and consider going or even volunteering. I know my husband and I will be volunteering for them when they come to our state. I appreciate someone standing up to take a stand with us, and to fight for these children as well as for us families fighting this long hard battle of WAITING! So please go and check them out, and show your support for us adopting families by signing this petition.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
2013, already curious what you will bring....
Wow, did I not just post how God always takes care of ya?
Just some exciting news for us. We have wanted to move for awhile now, and we felt that God finally said its time!
There were lots of worries and concerns on my end, just because of me applying to get my masters, finding a job (Daniel can transfer with his), and us selling our house.
Believe me it has been a battle of me picking all my worries and fear up and then laying them back down for God to take care of it all. Because he who calls us is faithful! We've seen this over and over again with our adoption, but the control freak in me wants to make sure every detail is worked out! So its has been a constant tug-o-war between me and God on who is going to take care of it. lol. Finally I got to a point of, okay God this is all too crazy and hectic and there is no possible way I can make this happen myself. I need you to do your awesomeness and take care of it all!
And guess what... once again, he has shown that he has it, and I need to step back and get out of his way! haha
I had applied for a job with an Indian Tribe to do Child Welfare, and sadly did not get the position. I had called to follow up and got the news - I was discouraged and bummed and had no clue what I was going to do next. Not long after getting this news, I received a text from a friend offering me a job at her pharmacy! The job is a raise, paid benefits, and will be a not so stressful job for while I am in school for my masters. - I honestly could not believe how it all worked out, but he knew best!
Next worry was the house and worrying about it selling... We have had several interested, and it looks as though we might get it sold pretty quick! God is so good, and I continue to be amazed at how much he loves us, and wants to take care of things but our stubborn selves always make it so difficult.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
Just some exciting news for us. We have wanted to move for awhile now, and we felt that God finally said its time!
There were lots of worries and concerns on my end, just because of me applying to get my masters, finding a job (Daniel can transfer with his), and us selling our house.
Believe me it has been a battle of me picking all my worries and fear up and then laying them back down for God to take care of it all. Because he who calls us is faithful! We've seen this over and over again with our adoption, but the control freak in me wants to make sure every detail is worked out! So its has been a constant tug-o-war between me and God on who is going to take care of it. lol. Finally I got to a point of, okay God this is all too crazy and hectic and there is no possible way I can make this happen myself. I need you to do your awesomeness and take care of it all!
And guess what... once again, he has shown that he has it, and I need to step back and get out of his way! haha
I had applied for a job with an Indian Tribe to do Child Welfare, and sadly did not get the position. I had called to follow up and got the news - I was discouraged and bummed and had no clue what I was going to do next. Not long after getting this news, I received a text from a friend offering me a job at her pharmacy! The job is a raise, paid benefits, and will be a not so stressful job for while I am in school for my masters. - I honestly could not believe how it all worked out, but he knew best!
Next worry was the house and worrying about it selling... We have had several interested, and it looks as though we might get it sold pretty quick! God is so good, and I continue to be amazed at how much he loves us, and wants to take care of things but our stubborn selves always make it so difficult.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
Thursday, December 6, 2012
5 months waiting....
Today is our 5 month mark of being on the waiting list. Honestly, these past 5 months have truly flown by - and in no way am I complaining!!! I pray it continues to fly by until our child is in our arms. That is still however 2 more years down the road :(
Just sitting here trying to think of what to say... I can't help but think of all we have discovered about ourselves and learned in these last 5 months.
In our time of waiting, God has really shown me how truly passionate I am about adoption and orphans. He has led my heart to the decision of getting my Masters in Social Work. This has something I've wanted to do for some time now, but have truly done everything possible to avoid it. It scares me... I doubt myself and my abilities to do the school work for some reason. Not that I've ever been a bad student, just afraid I have forgotten it all being out of school this long. SO I have applied to OU for their MSW program, and will know if I have been accepted around April.
As much as this wasn't MY plan... it is God's. I sit and think how conveniently he has so perfectly worked everything out, and I am amazed. MY plan was to have a child by the age of 25. I'm 26, almost 27... and have 2 more years to wait to be a mom. I have applied 2xs to other colleges trying to do 2 yr quick degrees to get into the medical field, and both times nothing came from it. Here I am with 2 years to wait, and a deep deep desire to fight for orphans... and have that time to be able to go to school to do that. I guess we shall see if I get accepted... if not, I will still continue to do my best to get into the social work field in the area of adoption. I will always be their voice, and no matter where or what I am doing will do my best to advocate for them. I appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead us on this journey!
Just sitting here trying to think of what to say... I can't help but think of all we have discovered about ourselves and learned in these last 5 months.
- God will ALWAYS fulfill his promises! I knew that before, but had never walked it out and trusted that like we have with our adoption.
- You can push yourself to work way harder than you ever thought possible when thinking about a precious baby boy soon to be yours.
- We have already learned so much about being a parent, and we really aren't yet. We have already had to start protecting and fighting for our child.
- I have learned that I would be insane at this point if it wasn't for Daniel. He stays so calm and collected when I am freaking out... he has maintained the crazy!
- God has spoken things to my heart about my past and my life that has so deeply connected my heart to our future child in ways that I cannot even process. Read Here
- And lastly:
In our time of waiting, God has really shown me how truly passionate I am about adoption and orphans. He has led my heart to the decision of getting my Masters in Social Work. This has something I've wanted to do for some time now, but have truly done everything possible to avoid it. It scares me... I doubt myself and my abilities to do the school work for some reason. Not that I've ever been a bad student, just afraid I have forgotten it all being out of school this long. SO I have applied to OU for their MSW program, and will know if I have been accepted around April.
As much as this wasn't MY plan... it is God's. I sit and think how conveniently he has so perfectly worked everything out, and I am amazed. MY plan was to have a child by the age of 25. I'm 26, almost 27... and have 2 more years to wait to be a mom. I have applied 2xs to other colleges trying to do 2 yr quick degrees to get into the medical field, and both times nothing came from it. Here I am with 2 years to wait, and a deep deep desire to fight for orphans... and have that time to be able to go to school to do that. I guess we shall see if I get accepted... if not, I will still continue to do my best to get into the social work field in the area of adoption. I will always be their voice, and no matter where or what I am doing will do my best to advocate for them. I appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead us on this journey!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Life {altered}
My world has been changed, shattered, and impacted. My eyes have been opened, and its so hard to ignore once you have truly SEEN.
I know so many of my friends and family are sick of hearing about it. But once you have opened your ears, eyes, and heart to knowing the TRUTH - its hard to back down, to let it go.
I mentioned in the previous post about the shoes that we had the opportunity to meet with the missionary from Ethiopia that we were able to provide shoes to the children she serves. In this meeting with her I learned so much! I thought I knew, I knew a little bit of the ugly truth that daily inhabits this world. But honestly, I didn't realize... Childrens parents sending them on buses at the age of 6 to go and work to care for themselves. Young boys working to provide for their mothers and siblings as they are viewed the "head of the household", the lack of food, the lack of clean water, the dangers of the world that surrounds them daily. I am sure its going to be even more of an eye opener when we are actually there. But my heart has been broken for these children. Its so hard to just turn away unchanged and not feel a sense of obligation to do SOMETHING. I have no clue how so many in our world can go on daily and ignore these things. How can you know children are starving another country away and not feel guilt by wasting food?? How can you know people in another country have no access to clean water and as you brush your teeth continue to run the faucet nonstop, or leave the shower running for long periods of time before getting in?
My life has been changed. I no longer brush my teeth and allow the water to run. I no longer waste my food. I take everything home and make myself eat the leftovers.
What stinks, is I am not bragging about any of this. Truth is - I hate hearing the sound of the toothbrush on my teeth - I like to run the water so I can't hear it. I sometimes hate leftovers- certain foods are just not meant to be reheated. Once your eyes have been opened, it makes you sick to think of the things these children are facing another world away from here. Its hard not to think how lucky I am that I was born in America. That simply because of the location in which these children were born - that they were faced with such despair. It could have easily been me or you....
I pray that everyone who reads this will consider those in need more, and yourself less. Do the little things in your life to make a change. Don't take the little things for granted, that could mean the world to someone else. Make a difference.
I know so many of my friends and family are sick of hearing about it. But once you have opened your ears, eyes, and heart to knowing the TRUTH - its hard to back down, to let it go.
I mentioned in the previous post about the shoes that we had the opportunity to meet with the missionary from Ethiopia that we were able to provide shoes to the children she serves. In this meeting with her I learned so much! I thought I knew, I knew a little bit of the ugly truth that daily inhabits this world. But honestly, I didn't realize... Childrens parents sending them on buses at the age of 6 to go and work to care for themselves. Young boys working to provide for their mothers and siblings as they are viewed the "head of the household", the lack of food, the lack of clean water, the dangers of the world that surrounds them daily. I am sure its going to be even more of an eye opener when we are actually there. But my heart has been broken for these children. Its so hard to just turn away unchanged and not feel a sense of obligation to do SOMETHING. I have no clue how so many in our world can go on daily and ignore these things. How can you know children are starving another country away and not feel guilt by wasting food?? How can you know people in another country have no access to clean water and as you brush your teeth continue to run the faucet nonstop, or leave the shower running for long periods of time before getting in?
My life has been changed. I no longer brush my teeth and allow the water to run. I no longer waste my food. I take everything home and make myself eat the leftovers.
What stinks, is I am not bragging about any of this. Truth is - I hate hearing the sound of the toothbrush on my teeth - I like to run the water so I can't hear it. I sometimes hate leftovers- certain foods are just not meant to be reheated. Once your eyes have been opened, it makes you sick to think of the things these children are facing another world away from here. Its hard not to think how lucky I am that I was born in America. That simply because of the location in which these children were born - that they were faced with such despair. It could have easily been me or you....
I pray that everyone who reads this will consider those in need more, and yourself less. Do the little things in your life to make a change. Don't take the little things for granted, that could mean the world to someone else. Make a difference.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Fundraisers for Christmas Shopping!!!!
Please consider shopping one or both of these fundraisers to help us continue to raise our funds for our adoption costs!
We are doing a Scentsy fundraiser with Kyra Hawkins... all profits will go towards our adoption costs! We are hoping you will do some Christmas shopping with us in this fundraiser. To place your order you may contact me, or order online at: http://kyrahawkins.scentsy.us and you will select Huff Adoption Journey under her picture on the right side of the page to shop.
The Scentsy November Specials are: BOGO Scentsy Buddies, BOGO antibacterial fragrance foam, 10% off peppermint dreams (scent of the month), and 10% off Holiday Lights warmer of the month.
Sherri Peters a Stampin' Up! consultant has a group of women that is called "Inking for Others" and they make Card Kits to sell to benefit others. They have chosen us to do Christmas Card Kits for. The kits are $25 for 15 cards (5 designs- 3 of each card) $20 of that goes to our adoption fundraising, the other $5 goes for supplies. We need all orders in by November 18th. Below is a photo of the card designs! These are some precious women, who just love making cards and are so talented at it! It was such a blessing that they offered to do this for us. Please contact me as soon as possible if you plan to order some cards, it helps us to keep her in the know of how many to plan to make. This is their website if you want to check it out: www.inkingforothers.blogspot.com
We are doing a Scentsy fundraiser with Kyra Hawkins... all profits will go towards our adoption costs! We are hoping you will do some Christmas shopping with us in this fundraiser. To place your order you may contact me, or order online at: http://kyrahawkins.scentsy.us and you will select Huff Adoption Journey under her picture on the right side of the page to shop.
The Scentsy November Specials are: BOGO Scentsy Buddies, BOGO antibacterial fragrance foam, 10% off peppermint dreams (scent of the month), and 10% off Holiday Lights warmer of the month.
Sherri Peters a Stampin' Up! consultant has a group of women that is called "Inking for Others" and they make Card Kits to sell to benefit others. They have chosen us to do Christmas Card Kits for. The kits are $25 for 15 cards (5 designs- 3 of each card) $20 of that goes to our adoption fundraising, the other $5 goes for supplies. We need all orders in by November 18th. Below is a photo of the card designs! These are some precious women, who just love making cards and are so talented at it! It was such a blessing that they offered to do this for us. Please contact me as soon as possible if you plan to order some cards, it helps us to keep her in the know of how many to plan to make. This is their website if you want to check it out: www.inkingforothers.blogspot.com
Sunday, November 4, 2012
How He Loves Us...
Many of you remember when I had asked for others to join with us in putting shoes on the feet of street children in Ethiopia. Well these are feet that are no longer bare in the above photo (actual feet of one of our sponsored children). I was blessed with sitting down and chatting with Rebecca (the missionary that we sent the money to for the shoes) today and learning about each of the children we sponsored shoes for. I cannot begin to express to so many of you the need that is in Ethiopia. I thought I had an idea of how rough it was for these kids... but honestly we have no clue. So many of these children we learned about today are 8-12 years old, many of them living on their own. They go to school, beg, and sell gum in the streets for money to live. They pay their own rent, and for their own food - which sometimes doesnt come often. They often go without eating. I just cant imagine any 8 yr old I know fending for themselves on the streets in Ethiopia. Some of them still live with their mothers and siblings, and they are considered the head of their household - and have all the responsibility that title entails on their shoulders. Some were shipped to Addis from the countryside at the age of 6 on a bus, all alone, to find their own way of caring for themselves. It breaks my heart, and I wish I could take them all in. We are earnestly praying for God to show us what we can do to make a difference, other than adopting. Honestly adopting a child, does so much for that child in giving them a family, but it really doesn't do much for the country of Ethiopia as far as making improvements to better and make a difference there.
I wanted to share some photos that Rebecca shared with me of the children getting their shoes! We were actually able to get each child a pair of shoes, 2 pairs of socks, and 2 pair of underwear also! I am wanting to post and say a HUGE thank you to everyone who partnered with us to make a difference! I was so blessed today in getting to see these children's faces in the photos as they were looking at the shoes.
Rebecca said they couldn't believe that they just got to go and pick out ANY shoes they wanted. They never in their lives have had an opportunity like this. One child who had holes in his pants and that they were falling apart, she was actually able to get him 2 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, as well as all the same things the other children got as well. I plan to post about the children and their stories later, but tonight wanted to go ahead and share the photos of them getting their shoes. Once again, THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO WAS A PART IN THIS!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Heart to Give...
This weekend as I was driving, a random memory popped into my head and I was reminded of a time where my heart was changed.
While I was driving I began thinking of Mexico, since my mission trips there - my mind often goes back to the country that opened my eyes and the people who changed my life.
My 2nd trip to Mexico to Guadalajara - we went to one of the colleges to minister to college students, and help them practice English.
While in Mexico we were made aware of something that is common there. When you compliment something that belongs to another person, they most likely will hand it over to you as a gift. Well us Americans, compliments are a way to greet someone and start conversation. We often would catch ourselves in the middle of a compliment to avoid the other person giving up their belongings. Well without thinking - I didn't catch it!! There was a young women who I was speaking with, and I just could not help but notice how beautiful her earrings were... and you could see it in her eyes - she LOVED them, you could see her pride in wearing them. And you could tell she just "felt pretty". So I just felt led to tell her how pretty she looked and her earrings were so beautiful. In that moment I just thought, GREAT what did I just do. As we stood there, this girl who was BEAMING from wearing these beautiful earrings, tells me how they belonged to her grandmother and her grandmother just recently had given them to her as a gift for her birthday. Then - she starts taking them out!!! I was like please, please, please keep them! I didn't intend for you to give them up - I don't want them. But she told me, they mean so much to me - I loved them - but I would rather you enjoy them. ***Note I would not take the earrings, it was not my intention. I told her it would mean more to me for her to continue to wear them. I just wanted to make sure she knew someone noticed how proud she was of them and how pretty she was. So in me saying that she kept them, THANK YOU JESUS! I would have felt so terrible.
But as I think back on this amazing selflessness. How many Americans who have SO much more than this young girl, would have selflessly offered something like that? Something that meant so much to them? As a society we are taught to hoard important, expensive, or special things. I can tell you right now that if this generosity had become accustomed to America - how many people would never wear their prized possessions or expensive items?? I know for me - something my grandpa had given me would definitely be hidden in a closet! Or how many of us would leave our expensive iPhones or iPads at home in fear of someone indirectly asking for them. And my second thought was how many people in America would instantly take advantage of this generosity??? And would begin complimenting people always just to get their stuff??? Makes my heart break for our nation. Why is it that "things" are so much more important than people??
It blew me away, that Mexico - a country of poverty like I've never seen in America - could be so giving!!! That even though they have so much less, they have so much more!!! They have IT! They have grabbed a hold of that knowledge that people mean more to them than anything in this world!
My heart longs for this generosity in myself!!!! I wish to have a heart that puts value in people, not "things". I want to be a giver! I pray this for our nation as well... that somehow a change would happen and Christians would grab a hold of this concept and begin to GIVE.
While I was driving I began thinking of Mexico, since my mission trips there - my mind often goes back to the country that opened my eyes and the people who changed my life.
My 2nd trip to Mexico to Guadalajara - we went to one of the colleges to minister to college students, and help them practice English.
While in Mexico we were made aware of something that is common there. When you compliment something that belongs to another person, they most likely will hand it over to you as a gift. Well us Americans, compliments are a way to greet someone and start conversation. We often would catch ourselves in the middle of a compliment to avoid the other person giving up their belongings. Well without thinking - I didn't catch it!! There was a young women who I was speaking with, and I just could not help but notice how beautiful her earrings were... and you could see it in her eyes - she LOVED them, you could see her pride in wearing them. And you could tell she just "felt pretty". So I just felt led to tell her how pretty she looked and her earrings were so beautiful. In that moment I just thought, GREAT what did I just do. As we stood there, this girl who was BEAMING from wearing these beautiful earrings, tells me how they belonged to her grandmother and her grandmother just recently had given them to her as a gift for her birthday. Then - she starts taking them out!!! I was like please, please, please keep them! I didn't intend for you to give them up - I don't want them. But she told me, they mean so much to me - I loved them - but I would rather you enjoy them. ***Note I would not take the earrings, it was not my intention. I told her it would mean more to me for her to continue to wear them. I just wanted to make sure she knew someone noticed how proud she was of them and how pretty she was. So in me saying that she kept them, THANK YOU JESUS! I would have felt so terrible.
But as I think back on this amazing selflessness. How many Americans who have SO much more than this young girl, would have selflessly offered something like that? Something that meant so much to them? As a society we are taught to hoard important, expensive, or special things. I can tell you right now that if this generosity had become accustomed to America - how many people would never wear their prized possessions or expensive items?? I know for me - something my grandpa had given me would definitely be hidden in a closet! Or how many of us would leave our expensive iPhones or iPads at home in fear of someone indirectly asking for them. And my second thought was how many people in America would instantly take advantage of this generosity??? And would begin complimenting people always just to get their stuff??? Makes my heart break for our nation. Why is it that "things" are so much more important than people??
It blew me away, that Mexico - a country of poverty like I've never seen in America - could be so giving!!! That even though they have so much less, they have so much more!!! They have IT! They have grabbed a hold of that knowledge that people mean more to them than anything in this world!
My heart longs for this generosity in myself!!!! I wish to have a heart that puts value in people, not "things". I want to be a giver! I pray this for our nation as well... that somehow a change would happen and Christians would grab a hold of this concept and begin to GIVE.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
You make... All things, work together for my good!
(I know this is lengthy - but please read to the end... its worth it!)
I have been wanting to write this post for awhile now. But every time I come to type it... I just sit here and stare at the screen. I think mostly out of fear, and also to avoid hurting others. I want to preface this now, that I do not intend for this blog post to be hurtful to anyone in anyway. I am simply being open and honest. It's so hard, because of these things, to share. But something deep down in me longs to share my story. One, because other than God speaking to us to adopt - this is probably the clearest word God has ever spoken to me, and Two - because I want to share this amazingness that God has so creatively worked out for good! Something that Satan meant to bring me down, to harm me, to be something that has been a struggle for me for a LONG time... God made it beautiful. Mostly I just want others to know and understand, that ALL your junk and hard times... God can make a beautiful masterpiece of it. You may not be able to fully see it at first, but He will show you one day. Just like he did me. So if your going through some hard times right now, tell yourself, he is going to do something crazy amazing with it all... and wait with anticipation.
In our women's bible study at church, we have been talking about Elijah and the altar - when God provided the fire. We had been challenged to think of that ONE thing, the thing that so many of our "symptoms" come from, and to offer it as a sacrifice to God. By symptoms I mean so many of the things we feel one a daily basis that aren't from God... Insecurity, Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and the list goes on. All these things are signs of a deep rooted problem, they branch out from something much deeper. They aren't specifically the problem. But what is IT?
For me, it is fear of abandonment.
This is something I have so ridiculously struggled with for a long time. When my parents divorced, my dad just left. Didn't say anything to me, just went to the house, got his belongings that he wanted while I was at school, and left... I honestly didn't hear from him for quite a while after he left. (Please know, I love my dad - this is just part of my story - I do not say this to make him look bad - this day, this time... its made me who I am, and all part of my story and explaining this helps you to see) You see that moment in my life, I felt abandoned. I felt left behind like his belongings he decided not to take with him. And something from that time stuck with me. A small voice always saying, their gonna leave you. Why try and let them in, its only a matter of time before their gone.
This time in my life as I have shared before was a struggle. Not long after this happened. My grandpa passed away from brain cancer. Once again, I was left. Not by choice, but still had the same heart wrenching feeling.
I am not sure if anyone has seen the show One Tree Hill, but I have always been able to relate to Peyton. "People always leave." I am not saying this to be hurtful to anyone, but its just how I felt. I have had some very close friendships and relationships where people just cut me out. It hurts.
All these things have added up to this deep rooted fear of abandonment that I have struggled with for so long.
This is my sacrifice, this is the center of all my symptoms. The one thing I have allowed to determine so many things in my life, I let it effect my thoughts - trust - relationships - even my relationship with God at times. I had learned to build walls, not let people in - just to avoid the hurt when they were gone. This had effected much more of my life than I ever understood.
As we went on talking about our sacrifice, our pastors wife told us to seek out God's word that changes this negative. What is the word he has for me, that changes this ugly to good?
And here is the best part of all of it...
He quietly spoke to me as I prayed about my word for this issue.... "I already gave it to you"... John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." (our verse on all of our adoption stuff!) And then God so clearly spoke to me, this is why you have a heart for adoption. I hurt for the orphan, because I had felt their pain. Not in the same sense, as I had my mother. But I had felt and could identify with that abandonment. And God continues to speak this verse to me, that He will not leave me - He is COMING TO ME! What an awesome thing, in Him making this ugly hurts/past into beauty. He is making all things work together for my good. Even though those things hurt in my past, God is using it to help me understand my future child, to feel what they feel, and also this is what has caused my heart to be drawn to the orphan. This is the reason we are adopting, so ALL of this - the good and bad - this is what started my family. And I could not be more thankful for God opening my eyes to see it. To understand myself more than I ever have before.
The song below seems fitting for this post :)
I have been wanting to write this post for awhile now. But every time I come to type it... I just sit here and stare at the screen. I think mostly out of fear, and also to avoid hurting others. I want to preface this now, that I do not intend for this blog post to be hurtful to anyone in anyway. I am simply being open and honest. It's so hard, because of these things, to share. But something deep down in me longs to share my story. One, because other than God speaking to us to adopt - this is probably the clearest word God has ever spoken to me, and Two - because I want to share this amazingness that God has so creatively worked out for good! Something that Satan meant to bring me down, to harm me, to be something that has been a struggle for me for a LONG time... God made it beautiful. Mostly I just want others to know and understand, that ALL your junk and hard times... God can make a beautiful masterpiece of it. You may not be able to fully see it at first, but He will show you one day. Just like he did me. So if your going through some hard times right now, tell yourself, he is going to do something crazy amazing with it all... and wait with anticipation.
In our women's bible study at church, we have been talking about Elijah and the altar - when God provided the fire. We had been challenged to think of that ONE thing, the thing that so many of our "symptoms" come from, and to offer it as a sacrifice to God. By symptoms I mean so many of the things we feel one a daily basis that aren't from God... Insecurity, Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and the list goes on. All these things are signs of a deep rooted problem, they branch out from something much deeper. They aren't specifically the problem. But what is IT?
For me, it is fear of abandonment.
This is something I have so ridiculously struggled with for a long time. When my parents divorced, my dad just left. Didn't say anything to me, just went to the house, got his belongings that he wanted while I was at school, and left... I honestly didn't hear from him for quite a while after he left. (Please know, I love my dad - this is just part of my story - I do not say this to make him look bad - this day, this time... its made me who I am, and all part of my story and explaining this helps you to see) You see that moment in my life, I felt abandoned. I felt left behind like his belongings he decided not to take with him. And something from that time stuck with me. A small voice always saying, their gonna leave you. Why try and let them in, its only a matter of time before their gone.
This time in my life as I have shared before was a struggle. Not long after this happened. My grandpa passed away from brain cancer. Once again, I was left. Not by choice, but still had the same heart wrenching feeling.
I am not sure if anyone has seen the show One Tree Hill, but I have always been able to relate to Peyton. "People always leave." I am not saying this to be hurtful to anyone, but its just how I felt. I have had some very close friendships and relationships where people just cut me out. It hurts.
All these things have added up to this deep rooted fear of abandonment that I have struggled with for so long.
This is my sacrifice, this is the center of all my symptoms. The one thing I have allowed to determine so many things in my life, I let it effect my thoughts - trust - relationships - even my relationship with God at times. I had learned to build walls, not let people in - just to avoid the hurt when they were gone. This had effected much more of my life than I ever understood.
As we went on talking about our sacrifice, our pastors wife told us to seek out God's word that changes this negative. What is the word he has for me, that changes this ugly to good?
And here is the best part of all of it...
He quietly spoke to me as I prayed about my word for this issue.... "I already gave it to you"... John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." (our verse on all of our adoption stuff!) And then God so clearly spoke to me, this is why you have a heart for adoption. I hurt for the orphan, because I had felt their pain. Not in the same sense, as I had my mother. But I had felt and could identify with that abandonment. And God continues to speak this verse to me, that He will not leave me - He is COMING TO ME! What an awesome thing, in Him making this ugly hurts/past into beauty. He is making all things work together for my good. Even though those things hurt in my past, God is using it to help me understand my future child, to feel what they feel, and also this is what has caused my heart to be drawn to the orphan. This is the reason we are adopting, so ALL of this - the good and bad - this is what started my family. And I could not be more thankful for God opening my eyes to see it. To understand myself more than I ever have before.
The song below seems fitting for this post :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
New Fundraiser (Decals for Africa)
Hey Everyone :)
We are doing another fundraiser. Selling $6 Car Decals, but they dont have to be limited to cars! You can put them on mirror, laptops, and iPads! Anywhere really :) All profits go towards our adoption costs!(To purchase one of these, please go to the Donate button on our blog, in the purpose section put "DECAL" and be sure to give $1 for shipping - also be sure the address listed is the one you want us to mail your decal to)
I love this fundraiser, just because it will cause people to think, and could be a great conversation starter when someone asks why you have the decal! Great opportunity to share our story as well as encourage others to advocate for orphans, and to simply spread awareness!!
These are not our exact ones, just an example I found on google. But ours will be similar to this design. (We're getting them Friday, and I will add our photo)
On another note September 6th was our 2 months on the waiting list. I've seen on lots of blogs lots of children coming home!!! This makes my heart happy, and I hope our next possibly 22 months fly by!
We are doing another fundraiser. Selling $6 Car Decals, but they dont have to be limited to cars! You can put them on mirror, laptops, and iPads! Anywhere really :) All profits go towards our adoption costs!(To purchase one of these, please go to the Donate button on our blog, in the purpose section put "DECAL" and be sure to give $1 for shipping - also be sure the address listed is the one you want us to mail your decal to)
I love this fundraiser, just because it will cause people to think, and could be a great conversation starter when someone asks why you have the decal! Great opportunity to share our story as well as encourage others to advocate for orphans, and to simply spread awareness!!
These are not our exact ones, just an example I found on google. But ours will be similar to this design. (We're getting them Friday, and I will add our photo)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Fighting Battles
So my pastor preached Sunday on this subject... and I just cant seem to stop thinking about it. Without going into a whole lot of detail... life is has been hard lately... hard emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. None of it has to do with our adoption or anything like that. It has all stemmed from my current job. I don't feel like I should go into detail and share. But it's just been ridiculous lately, and I feel like no matter what I do I can't win.
And I sit back and just have this deep desire for someone to fight for me.
You know that feeling where you feel like you've given it all you got, and you just want someone else to jump in and fight FOR you!
Picture this, you're in a fist fight with someone, this would be the point where you fall to the ground... and someone else steps in and finishes what you were trying to do, as you watch from the pavement - them fighting YOUR fight.
I've struggled with this lately, I just have been praying that God would fight for me. That he would go to war on this for me, and defend me. And I've been disappointed.... Please note that sometimes God does fight for you - and he may be in your situation - and I never want to cause someone to think that God will not be the one who does fight for you... because he does! But in this situation, he silently spoke to me.... I'm not going to fight FOR you, I want YOU to fight this battle... but I am here to fight WITH you! Not going to lie, when God told me this... my first response was disappointment. I'm honestly so tired of fighting. For those of you who know me, lol, seems like my whole life I have been "fighting"... this girls is ready to put down the gloves, ready to retire! She is ready to have a "water break"... I am picturing Rocky right now, and I am just wanting one of those in the corner pep talks from my coach, getting bandaged up and water... not ready for Round 2 just yet. But God continues to remind me, that he is my Coach, and he has been at each fight, each practice, and each "after the fight" bandaging... he's watched every blow, every knock out, every time I've gotten back up... the whole time, WITH me - cheering me on, giving me pointers, and simply being a fan. You see, the important part of all that.... he was with me the whole time... God isn't going to just be an innocent bystander that steps in does all the dirty work, and walks away. He is there for all of it. Isn't that more important than the quick fix defender we so often long for???
Although I mainly wrote this post about fighting... I still very much think this video applies as well. (Please watch below)You see this Coach very much could have let him continue to believe "he couldn't do it" and could have let him continue believing he wasn't capable. But instead he proved to him he could, by pushing him to his max. Not only that, but the most inspiring thing to me in this entire video, is the Coach crawling on the ground with him, encouraging him... I pictured me and God here... I'm whining saying "It hurts, I can't do it any longer"... but he's there telling me to keep going. This Coach was fighting WITH him! Every time I watch this it brings me to tears.... we get so defeated and give up so easily! So let's keep fighting! Endure to the Endzone as Pastor put it on Sunday... we just keep fighting, keep pushing, til one day... we realize were in the endzone.
And I sit back and just have this deep desire for someone to fight for me.
You know that feeling where you feel like you've given it all you got, and you just want someone else to jump in and fight FOR you!
Picture this, you're in a fist fight with someone, this would be the point where you fall to the ground... and someone else steps in and finishes what you were trying to do, as you watch from the pavement - them fighting YOUR fight.
I've struggled with this lately, I just have been praying that God would fight for me. That he would go to war on this for me, and defend me. And I've been disappointed.... Please note that sometimes God does fight for you - and he may be in your situation - and I never want to cause someone to think that God will not be the one who does fight for you... because he does! But in this situation, he silently spoke to me.... I'm not going to fight FOR you, I want YOU to fight this battle... but I am here to fight WITH you! Not going to lie, when God told me this... my first response was disappointment. I'm honestly so tired of fighting. For those of you who know me, lol, seems like my whole life I have been "fighting"... this girls is ready to put down the gloves, ready to retire! She is ready to have a "water break"... I am picturing Rocky right now, and I am just wanting one of those in the corner pep talks from my coach, getting bandaged up and water... not ready for Round 2 just yet. But God continues to remind me, that he is my Coach, and he has been at each fight, each practice, and each "after the fight" bandaging... he's watched every blow, every knock out, every time I've gotten back up... the whole time, WITH me - cheering me on, giving me pointers, and simply being a fan. You see, the important part of all that.... he was with me the whole time... God isn't going to just be an innocent bystander that steps in does all the dirty work, and walks away. He is there for all of it. Isn't that more important than the quick fix defender we so often long for???
Although I mainly wrote this post about fighting... I still very much think this video applies as well. (Please watch below)You see this Coach very much could have let him continue to believe "he couldn't do it" and could have let him continue believing he wasn't capable. But instead he proved to him he could, by pushing him to his max. Not only that, but the most inspiring thing to me in this entire video, is the Coach crawling on the ground with him, encouraging him... I pictured me and God here... I'm whining saying "It hurts, I can't do it any longer"... but he's there telling me to keep going. This Coach was fighting WITH him! Every time I watch this it brings me to tears.... we get so defeated and give up so easily! So let's keep fighting! Endure to the Endzone as Pastor put it on Sunday... we just keep fighting, keep pushing, til one day... we realize were in the endzone.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
New Fundraising Total Update!!!
Everyone, please check out the thermometer!!!!!!! We are on the downhill slope, only $16,700 left to raise until our adoption is completely funded! We have raised $19,300 so far, in only 6 months!!! I am totally and completely blown away! God is so good, and we totally give him all the glory! He continues to remind us that he 100% has ALL of it! I could not be more thankful for all the support and encouragement that got us to this point!
My next plea, please consider doing all of your Christmas Shopping through our fundraisers that will be leading up to Christmas! Help us knock out that remaining amount! Oh what a relief that would be to know it was all completely raised and we could rest and start preparing for our little man!
Our upcoming fundraisers schedule:
September 8-29th: Twisted Pepper Soup and Dip Mixes!!!! **Had tons of request to do this fundraiser again because the products are simply amazing!
October: Pampered Chef
November: Scentsy
December: Cookie Lee
Also I sell Thirty One, and if you would like to purchase something and your order specifically go towards our adoption fundraising, I can do this at any time!
www.mythirtyone.com/BrittniHuff
My next plea, please consider doing all of your Christmas Shopping through our fundraisers that will be leading up to Christmas! Help us knock out that remaining amount! Oh what a relief that would be to know it was all completely raised and we could rest and start preparing for our little man!
Our upcoming fundraisers schedule:
September 8-29th: Twisted Pepper Soup and Dip Mixes!!!! **Had tons of request to do this fundraiser again because the products are simply amazing!
October: Pampered Chef
November: Scentsy
December: Cookie Lee
Also I sell Thirty One, and if you would like to purchase something and your order specifically go towards our adoption fundraising, I can do this at any time!
www.mythirtyone.com/BrittniHuff
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Update on the Shoes for the kids in Ethiopia!
Thank you so much to everyone who donated for the shoes for the kids in Ethiopia! We were able to raise $360 for 12 pairs of shoes being sponsored! Although we didn't meet our goal, I pray they are somehow able to utilize the amount raised to possibly get more than just the 12 shoes purchased.
I have been asked by several if Rebecca will be posting photos of the kids with their new shoes or anything like that. She is currently unable to post photos while in Ethiopia, but when she comes back to the US she will post photos and a story on her blog about the shoes. I will share when she does for those of you who donated to see the impact you made!
If anyone was unable to donate for the shoes, but would like to further down the road... please go to Rebecca's blog and click the Donate button. You can put Shoes in the purpose section and she will know what its for.
(rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)
I have been asked by several if Rebecca will be posting photos of the kids with their new shoes or anything like that. She is currently unable to post photos while in Ethiopia, but when she comes back to the US she will post photos and a story on her blog about the shoes. I will share when she does for those of you who donated to see the impact you made!
If anyone was unable to donate for the shoes, but would like to further down the road... please go to Rebecca's blog and click the Donate button. You can put Shoes in the purpose section and she will know what its for.
(rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Please help!
Daniel has a friend who is a missionary in Ethiopia! I recently read a blog post of hers where she talked of children chasing her van begging for food and shoes. As I read this I just began to cry! Something as simple as shoes would mean the world to these kids! And as I read this God told me to get these children shoes. I asked Rebecca how many shoes she needed, she said she has 20 children needing shoes! My goal is to get these shoes to them! She priced shoes, and said they would be about $30 each.
I know this is a BIG ask with us fundraising for our adoption already and i hate asking but feel that God wants us to do more for those in Ethiopia than just adopting a child. But would anyone be willing to partner with us, and sponsor one child at $30 to get them shoes?? Or be willing to donate what you can?? Please let me know if you would like to do this! Help us get these children some shoes, and hope! Here is her blog if you would like to read about her ministry (rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)
Contact me if you would like to help!
I know this is a BIG ask with us fundraising for our adoption already and i hate asking but feel that God wants us to do more for those in Ethiopia than just adopting a child. But would anyone be willing to partner with us, and sponsor one child at $30 to get them shoes?? Or be willing to donate what you can?? Please let me know if you would like to do this! Help us get these children some shoes, and hope! Here is her blog if you would like to read about her ministry (rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)
Contact me if you would like to help!
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