This blog post has been brewing for quite a while now. God has rocked my world in ways that at first I was hesitant, fearful, and anxious.
You see we started this adoption process because we wanted to grow our family through adoption.
We wanted to give a child a home that needed one. But at the same time, we wanted to do what felt safe. What wasn't scary.
Ethiopia's wait has continued to increase, and as I posted before we had began our paper work with DHS to pursue kids that we already knew and loved. Those children are no longer an option for us to pursue. So we continued with our DHS application and continue to become an approved DHS home for foster and adoption.
To be honest, we felt God tugging us to Ethiopia because of how great need there was. And because of friends of ours that had adopted Internationally. But we also knew he was calling us to DHS. But to me, DHS has always been scary because of the horror stories you hear. So I avoided it at all costs, until God brought those precious kiddos into our lives to challenge that fear and show us its not as scary as I had made it.
We have told our DHS worker that right now, we wanted to be considered an adoptive home until later on when we feel "ready" to foster. You see, it was heartbreaking losing the kids, we didn't want to loose another child/ren right now. We only wanted to do what was "safe" and continue being only adoptive. And then foster later on once we had adopted and completed "our plans".
Well, once again... God has challenged my "safe" thinking. You see, I'm learning how he works. He breaks my heart and challenges me to harder things.
I volunteer at the local emergency shelter, well... I fell in love with a 7 year old boy, he broke my heart and made me want nothing more than to get him out! So.... we are now stepping out and asking if we can foster this little man to get him out of the shelter and provide the love and support that he needs. When I look at this precious boy I can see that all he needs is someone in his corner, someone to tell him he is loved and good. I want to be that person. Whether I am that person to him for 1 week, 2 years, or the remainder of his life. Regardless of how much it hurts and how painful it is to let go when that time comes. Love without limitations!
God spoke to me..... ITS NOT ABOUT ME. I keep wanting to do what is safe and easy - what will hurt the least, what I am "ready" for. But he has continued to remind me how our job isn't to judge what is going to be best for us - we called to do what is NEEDED not WANTED, regardless of the hurt or pain it causes. These children weren't "ready" to be uprooted from all they know and stuck in a shelter, if I don't step up who will??? If I continue to insist on getting what I want, what about these kids??? Is this what they wanted??? Is this what they asked for???? As Christians, God calls us to be selfless, to die to ourselves daily. So here we are, jumping in! Letting go of our wants and desires and being open to meeting the needs of those in front of us, whether its fostering or adoption. We are leaving it in God's hands to work out. He's got us in his hands...