You make... All things, work together for my good!

(I know this is lengthy - but please read to the end... its worth it!)
I have been wanting to write this post for awhile now. But every time I come to type it... I just sit here and stare at the screen. I think mostly out of fear, and also to avoid hurting others. I want to preface this now, that I do not intend for this blog post to be hurtful to anyone in anyway. I am simply being open and honest. It's so hard, because of these things, to share. But something deep down in me longs to share my story. One, because other than God speaking to us to adopt - this is probably the clearest word God has ever spoken to me, and Two - because I want to share this amazingness that God has so creatively worked out for good! Something that Satan meant to bring me down, to harm me, to be something that has been a struggle for me for a LONG time... God made it beautiful. Mostly I just want others to know and understand, that ALL your junk and hard times... God can make a beautiful masterpiece of it. You may not be able to fully see it at first, but He will show you one day. Just like he did me. So if your going through some hard times right now, tell yourself, he is going to do something crazy amazing with it all... and wait with anticipation.

In our women's bible study at church, we have been talking about Elijah and the altar - when God provided the fire. We had been challenged to think of that ONE thing, the thing that so many of our "symptoms" come from, and to offer it as a sacrifice to God. By symptoms I mean so many of the things we feel one a daily basis that aren't from God... Insecurity, Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and the list goes on. All these things are signs of a deep rooted problem, they branch out from something much deeper. They aren't specifically the problem. But what is IT?

For me, it is fear of abandonment.
This is something I have so ridiculously struggled with for a long time. When my parents divorced, my dad just left. Didn't say anything to me, just went to the house, got his belongings that he wanted while I was at school, and left... I honestly didn't hear from him for quite a while after he left. (Please know, I love my dad - this is just part of my story - I do not say this to make him look bad - this day, this time... its made me who I am, and all part of my story and explaining this helps you to see) You see that moment in my life, I felt abandoned. I felt left behind like his belongings he decided not to take with him. And something from that time stuck with me. A small voice always saying, their gonna leave you. Why try and let them in, its only a matter of time before their gone.
This time in my life as I have shared before was a struggle. Not long after this happened. My grandpa passed away from brain cancer. Once again, I was left. Not by choice, but still had the same heart wrenching feeling.
I am not sure if anyone has seen the show One Tree Hill, but I have always been able to relate to Peyton. "People always leave." I am not saying this to be hurtful to anyone, but its just how I felt. I have had some very close friendships  and relationships where people just cut me out. It hurts.
All these things have added up to this deep rooted fear of abandonment that I have struggled with for so long.
This is my sacrifice, this is the center of all my symptoms. The one thing I have allowed to determine so many things in my life, I let it effect my thoughts - trust - relationships - even my relationship with God at times. I had learned to build walls, not let people in - just to avoid the hurt when they were gone. This had effected much more of my life than I ever understood.
As we went on talking about our sacrifice, our pastors wife told us to seek out God's word that changes this negative. What is the word he has for me, that changes this ugly to good?

And here is the best part of all of it...
He quietly spoke to me as I prayed about my word for this issue.... "I already gave it to you"... John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." (our verse on all of our adoption stuff!)  And then God so clearly spoke to me, this is why you have a heart for adoption. I hurt for the orphan, because I had felt their pain. Not in the same sense, as I had my mother. But I had felt and could identify with that abandonment. And God continues to speak this verse to me, that He will not leave me - He is COMING TO ME! What an awesome thing, in Him making this ugly hurts/past into beauty. He is making all things work together for my good. Even though those things hurt in my past, God is using it to help me understand my future child, to feel what they feel, and also this is what has caused my heart to be drawn to the orphan. This is the reason we are adopting, so ALL of this - the good and bad - this is what started my family. And I could not be more thankful for God opening my eyes to see it. To understand myself more than I ever have before.
The song below seems fitting for this post :) 

New Fundraiser (Decals for Africa)

Hey Everyone :)

We are doing another fundraiser. Selling $6 Car Decals, but they dont have to be limited to cars! You can put them on mirror, laptops, and iPads! Anywhere really :) All profits go towards our adoption costs!(To purchase one of these, please go to the Donate button on our blog, in the purpose section put "DECAL" and be sure to give $1 for shipping - also be sure the address listed is the one you want us to mail your decal to)

I love this fundraiser, just because it will cause people to think, and could be a great conversation starter when someone asks why you have the decal! Great opportunity to share our story as well as encourage others to advocate for orphans, and to simply spread awareness!! 

These are not our exact ones, just an example I found on google. But ours will be similar to this design. (We're getting them Friday, and I will add our photo)

On another note September 6th was our 2 months on the waiting list. I've seen on lots of blogs lots of children coming home!!! This makes my heart happy, and I hope our next possibly 22 months fly by!

Fighting Battles

So my pastor preached Sunday on this subject... and I just cant seem to stop thinking about it. Without going into a whole lot of detail... life is has been hard lately... hard emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. None of it has to do with our adoption or anything like that. It has all stemmed from my current job. I don't feel like I should go into detail and share. But it's just been ridiculous lately, and I feel like no matter what I do I can't win.
And I sit back and just have this deep desire for someone to fight for me.
You know that feeling where you feel like you've given it all you got, and you just want someone else to jump in and fight FOR you!
Picture this,  you're in a fist fight with someone, this would be the point where you fall to the ground... and someone else steps in and finishes what you were trying to do, as you watch from the pavement - them fighting YOUR fight.

I've struggled with this lately, I just have been praying that God would fight for me. That he would go to war on this for me, and defend me. And I've been disappointed.... Please note that sometimes God does fight for you - and he may be in your situation - and I never want to cause someone to think that God will not be the one who does fight for you... because he does! But in this situation, he silently spoke to me.... I'm not going to fight FOR you, I want YOU to fight this battle... but I am here to fight WITH you! Not going to lie, when God told me this... my first response was disappointment. I'm honestly so tired of fighting. For those of you who know me, lol, seems like my whole life I have been "fighting"... this girls is ready to put down the gloves, ready to retire! She is ready to have a "water break"... I am picturing Rocky right now, and I am just wanting one of those in the corner pep talks from my coach, getting bandaged up and water... not ready for Round 2 just yet. But God continues to remind me, that he is my Coach, and he has been at each fight, each practice, and each "after the fight" bandaging... he's watched every blow, every knock out, every time I've gotten back up... the whole time, WITH me - cheering me on, giving me pointers, and simply being a fan. You see, the important part of all that.... he was with me the whole time... God isn't going to just be an innocent bystander that steps in does all the dirty work, and walks away. He is there for all of it. Isn't that more important than the quick fix defender we so often long for???

Although I mainly wrote this post about fighting... I still very much think this video applies as well. (Please watch below)You see this Coach very much could have let him continue to believe "he couldn't do it" and could have let him continue believing he wasn't capable. But instead he proved to him he could, by pushing him to his max. Not only that, but the most inspiring thing to me in this entire video, is the Coach crawling on the ground with him, encouraging him... I pictured me and God here... I'm whining saying "It hurts, I can't do it any longer"... but he's there telling me to keep going. This Coach was fighting WITH him! Every time I watch this it brings me to tears.... we get so defeated and give up so easily! So let's keep fighting! Endure to the Endzone as Pastor put it on Sunday... we just keep fighting, keep pushing, til one day... we realize were in the endzone.

New Fundraising Total Update!!!

Everyone, please check out the thermometer!!!!!!! We are on the downhill slope, only $16,700 left to raise until our adoption is completely funded! We have raised $19,300 so far, in only 6 months!!! I am totally and completely blown away! God is so good, and we totally give him all the glory! He continues to remind us that he 100% has ALL of it! I could not be more thankful for all the support and encouragement that got us to this point!

My next plea, please consider doing all of your Christmas Shopping through our fundraisers that will be leading up to Christmas! Help us knock out that remaining amount! Oh what a relief that would be to know it was all completely raised and we could rest and start preparing for our little man!

Our upcoming fundraisers schedule:
September 8-29th: Twisted Pepper Soup and Dip Mixes!!!! **Had tons of request to do this fundraiser again because the products are simply amazing!
October: Pampered Chef
November: Scentsy
December: Cookie Lee
Also I sell Thirty One, and if you would like to purchase something and your order specifically go towards our adoption fundraising, I can do this at any time!
www.mythirtyone.com/BrittniHuff

Update on the Shoes for the kids in Ethiopia!

Thank you so much to everyone who donated for the shoes for the kids in Ethiopia! We were able to raise $360 for 12 pairs of shoes being sponsored! Although we didn't meet our goal, I pray they are somehow able to utilize the amount raised to possibly get more than just the 12 shoes purchased.

I have been asked by several if Rebecca will be posting photos of the kids with their new shoes or anything like that. She is currently unable to post photos while in Ethiopia, but when she comes back to the US she will post photos and a story on her blog about the shoes. I will share when she does for those of you who donated to see the impact you made!

If anyone was unable to donate for the shoes, but would like to further down the road... please go to Rebecca's blog and click the Donate button. You can put Shoes in the purpose section and she will know what its for.
 (rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)

Please help!

Daniel has a friend who is a missionary in Ethiopia! I recently read a blog post of hers where she talked of children chasing her van begging for food and shoes. As I read this I just began to cry! Something as simple as shoes would mean the world to these kids! And as I read this God told me to get these children shoes. I asked Rebecca how many shoes she needed, she said she has 20 children needing shoes! My goal is to get these shoes to them! She priced shoes, and said they would be about $30 each.
I know this is a BIG ask with us fundraising for our adoption already and i hate asking but feel that God wants us to do more for those in Ethiopia than just adopting a child. But would anyone be willing to partner with us, and sponsor one child at $30 to get them shoes?? Or be willing to donate what you can?? Please let me know if you would like to do this! Help us get these children some shoes, and hope! Here is her blog if you would like to read about her ministry (rebeccacrazylove.blogspot.com)
Contact me if you would like to help!

This is my story, this is my song....

Last night in our womens group at church, we talked about being a "Hill Seeker"- meaning don't run from the hard times, push through them. A friend of mine who leads the study shared her testimony and shared all of her "hills" that she has gone climbed and came back down. But one thing that stuck out to me is she kept referencing that she didn't think she could make it through those times, but she did!

I had a rough Senior year in High school, and for a few years that year stuck with me. It was some hard "hills" to climb... and one of them in particular I didn't think I would make it through. My grandpa had brain cancer, and passed away within about 6 months of being diagnosed. He was a HUGE part of my world, and I didn't think I could do life without him. It was hard facing a lot of the big parts of life without him, high school graduation, college, marriage! I didn't think I was going to make it for a long time. It hurt too much. I didn't want to face the world without him. I needed him! And like I mentioned before from the study that she was saying, I didn't think I would make it either. And honestly, I wasn't "making it" for awhile... I tried to find other ways of coping with the hurt, turned to things that did more harm than good just to numb it or distract myself for just a little while to forget the pain of him being gone. See, the problem was.... I wasn't giving any of this to God... I was trying to "fix" it myself. I was angry with God that I had gone through so much in my life in such a short period. It wasn't "fair" for my life to have so much hurt... So I wouldn't share my hurts with him, I didn't tell him my heart and how it ached. Until one day - I realized my way wasn't working, and God told me to give it to him!!! He would heal my hearts aches, that as much as I hurt - he hurt more for me- seeing me hurt! Like my on-going theme lately, HE IS WITH YOU!! Think of someone your with all the time, for me its my husband... after being around someone for so long... you feel what they feel, you hurt when they hurt, you know how they feel when they don't say anything. It's the same way with God, he is ALWAYS with us. Thus he always feels our hurts, disappointments, frustrations, and he hurts with us.
Last night as she shared, and as other women shared their hills... I looked back at my few hills that I have climbed in my life. And I truly have no clue how I got through it. I didn't think I could. But guess what... I did... and God was WITH ME! Through all of it!
What's amazing, is my heart is healing... do I think its totally healed? No... I think that is a constant progress - but I know God is helping me to heal. I've moved to cherishing the memories I had with him, and cherishing who he was... instead of being angry about the things I didnt have with him, and angry that he isnt here. Its there that you find healing, when your willing to let go of those things that haunt you - the anger, bitterness, all of it and find things that you are thankful for instead of turning to those emotions. I found the truth in that when I read this quote from Ann Voskamp's blog the other day:

"When we don’t think there’s much to give thanks for, we don’t think there’s much to live for — because giving thanks to God is the purpose of our lives."

Have you had some ridiculously huge hills recently, and your not thinking you can make it? Keep pushing! Don't give up, because remember after the top - its all downhill from there! And remember your not alone on that hill, he is ALWAYS with you!