We are not getting the siblings we had been pursuing adopting in foster care.
As hard as it is to accept, we have great peace in it all and know that God's hand is definitely in all of it.
I have not shared much of the situation with the kids, because I don't know how much is too much to share. But all I can say is, the children we were pursuing were part of a large sibling set. Our hearts definitely would want them to be able to stay together if possible. And we had actually been praying that they would be, because we knew what would happen if that wasn't able to happen. But we wanted to be an option to adopt if they were not able to do this.
To sum up the email from the caseworker. We found a home for all of them, they will be moving to another state, it could take a little bit of time to get them there. The end.
My heart sank when I read the email. It was something God had laid on our hearts to pray for at our most recent Foster Care training. We felt that he led us to pray for them to find a family for all of the siblings to stay together. It was hard to pray against what our hearts wanted, but we did it. Haha we even considered taking them ALL to avoid praying for this, don't think that was what God intended. And he answered our prayers. We could not be more happy about that, if you could just see the love these kids have for one another you would understand. But we didn't expect it so fast. And regardless of praying for it, it was still something our hearts were a little shocked to hear. We love these kids so much. We have spent lots of time with them, and it would have been an honor to be their parents, but the fact is... its not happening.
Its been hard how callous some people have been upon hearing the news we weren't getting them. Like oh well, move onto the next kid. I don't think people grasp you have to grieve this vision you had for you future, grieve this family you were ready to start together. We had their middle names all picked out, and how we wanted to decorate their rooms, toys we had purchased. I think one of the hardest parts is grasping the fact that we will never know the people they will become. I desperately would love to know what they make of themselves in this world as they grow. Its so hard even when you tell yourself constantly that its a huge possibility. It still hurts.
The fact is, we're grieving and hurting the loss of our future with these children. But we know very well that God was all up in this whole situation, and I am thankful he let me in on it a bit by laying on my heart to pray for this. I was somewhat more prepared than I would have been had he not. So for that I am grateful.
Do I think our time with these kids was a waste? No!!! I know that God used them to open our eyes to SO MUCH! They blessed us in a mighty way and we will never forget it. Without them we wouldn't have began the process to Foster, or be open to adopting older children, or be open to adopting siblings.... God has opened our eyes to some things that we will use to press forward and continue our journey with.
To be continued as to what our future holds...... Only the Lord knows haha!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I feel like a slacker...
Lately, I am just unmotivated. I feel like there is nothing to write about or share. We are stuck in the waiting part of our adoption and it seems as though it will continue to be a LONG time.
We received an email from our agency that once again the wait times have increased, it is now 30-36 months for a referral. Honestly, it will continue to increase is what we have been told. Its heartbreaking really. We feel stuck, and have no clue what's next.
With us trying to adopt through foster care - we have been told over and over to move on and forget these kids. Their case worker has told us that its going to take a LONG time because their case is so complex. We love these kids, and we can't just walk away from them. We just don't feel like we can move on until they are in a permanent placement. We are praying for a miracle and praying that God will fight for us and these kids. That he will move mountains for them. Please pray with us.
One thing we have come to the conclusion of, is we are tired of waiting - we are tired of having a calling in our hearts and not being able to see put this calling into action. So we have decided that while we wait on both Ethiopia and the siblings in foster care that we are going to become foster parents. We just want to feel like we are doing something productive and meaningful. Our training starts this Saturday- we are very excited about getting this process started. Please pray for us in this adventure, I know it is going to be so hard to let these kids into our hearts, and then they leave... But pray that God would just protect our hearts and allow us to be the love these children need why they are waiting until their situations are worked out where they are able to go back to their family or while they are waiting for a new one.
I do want to share this - I had the blessing of getting to attend a Tim Timmons worship service along with All Sons and Daughters. I was SO blessed by his music - if you've never heard of him - please go check him out! I wanted to share one of his songs that just meets me where I've been the last couple months.
"Great Reward"
We received an email from our agency that once again the wait times have increased, it is now 30-36 months for a referral. Honestly, it will continue to increase is what we have been told. Its heartbreaking really. We feel stuck, and have no clue what's next.
With us trying to adopt through foster care - we have been told over and over to move on and forget these kids. Their case worker has told us that its going to take a LONG time because their case is so complex. We love these kids, and we can't just walk away from them. We just don't feel like we can move on until they are in a permanent placement. We are praying for a miracle and praying that God will fight for us and these kids. That he will move mountains for them. Please pray with us.
One thing we have come to the conclusion of, is we are tired of waiting - we are tired of having a calling in our hearts and not being able to see put this calling into action. So we have decided that while we wait on both Ethiopia and the siblings in foster care that we are going to become foster parents. We just want to feel like we are doing something productive and meaningful. Our training starts this Saturday- we are very excited about getting this process started. Please pray for us in this adventure, I know it is going to be so hard to let these kids into our hearts, and then they leave... But pray that God would just protect our hearts and allow us to be the love these children need why they are waiting until their situations are worked out where they are able to go back to their family or while they are waiting for a new one.
I do want to share this - I had the blessing of getting to attend a Tim Timmons worship service along with All Sons and Daughters. I was SO blessed by his music - if you've never heard of him - please go check him out! I wanted to share one of his songs that just meets me where I've been the last couple months.
"Great Reward"
I trust in You for every heartbeat
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
Oh Lord, my great reward
I know this is dangerous
Daring just to pray this
I will trust You Lord
The rock throughout the ages
You make me courageous
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see
Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control
Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
Oh Lord, my great reward
I know this is dangerous
Daring just to pray this
I will trust You Lord
The rock throughout the ages
You make me courageous
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Our secret...
We have been keeping a secret for a few months... Due to the wait times for Ethiopia continuing to increase... We are actually pursuing adopting two kids that are currently in foster care. We know these kids and already have a relationship with them. We have been fearful of sharing bc it has been a very messy process and lots of back and forth stuff and we keep getting different information. So we in fear decided to not share bc we weren't 100% of it happening.
Today we decided, why be in fear and hiding this from everyone when we could just share it with everyone and ask for prayers for us in this journey as well.
We are continuing to wait on Ethiopia, but will be adopting these two while we wait. There is just such a great need in America and in Ethiopia, and everywhere really. And we cant just continue to sit and wait while there are kids here now that need us.
So please keep our family in your prayers as well as these two children. Pray that Dhs moves soon, and make a decision in the children's best interest.
Today we decided, why be in fear and hiding this from everyone when we could just share it with everyone and ask for prayers for us in this journey as well.
We are continuing to wait on Ethiopia, but will be adopting these two while we wait. There is just such a great need in America and in Ethiopia, and everywhere really. And we cant just continue to sit and wait while there are kids here now that need us.
So please keep our family in your prayers as well as these two children. Pray that Dhs moves soon, and make a decision in the children's best interest.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Been awhile....
Sorry, I know, I know.... I've been a slacker. Mostly because I'm just at a loss I guess for what to say and share.
We are 11 months DTE June 6th. Its hard for me to see that number I guess. 1 year ago, we thought by this point we would be about to receive a referral. Its all changed.
When we began the process in February of 2012, the approx wait time by then was 12-14 months. Now we are looking at a possibility of 5 years. Breaks my heart to type that.
We are currently #63 on the unofficial waiting list for our agency. That number has not changed for about 2-3 months. Its depressing. We started out as #89, and that is all we have moved in nearly one year :/
Not depressing because of my own selfish desires by any means... but depressing because there are still children waiting too, just like we are but on the other end. Its not fair. Families ready, kiddos needing homes.... but red tape.
Unadoption related updates:
Daniel and I have had lots of change lately. We moved. New jobs. New church. A lot is different.
But for me, some things are still very much the same. You see, I did everything in power to avoid moving back to my hometown. I always swore when I left this place I would be GONE, and would not be coming back. When offered a job in my hometown, it was very hard to refuse. Great opportunity pay wise, and great benefits. BUT I still would not be living there. We searched and searched for houses in other towns about 30 minutes away. I am pretty positive we looked at 20+ houses trying to stay away. Every door was slammed in our face. ugh. So then, we decided to look there.... my hometown. And the exact day we went with our realtor to look at houses there, a PERFECT house popped up on the site. And it was just as gorgeous in person as in the photos. We could not turn down a great house, at a much better price than all the houses we had been looking at elsewhere. So here I am. Back in my hometown.
To be honest, I didn't get it. I did not understand why God led us here. Even in the midst of my swearing I wouldn't come back. EVER.
About a week or two of living here.... he showed me.
You see, in my previous posts I talk about my Senior year, and how it was such a hard year for me with my grandpa passing away.
I know, you're wondering what that has to do with it... Well you see, I was running away. trying to forget. I did not like driving by the places I used to see my grandpa every day, like the Donut Shop every morning. I hated driving by the High school and thinking of him bringing me lunch on occasion, or going to the wrestling tournaments or basketball games with him. It was too hard. I didnt want to remember. I didnt want to see it all.
But God has shown me, there is peace in those memories. They were the good times. They were the things I loved to remember. And my hurt and anger had made them bad... Grief does that I guess, ruins the good stuff. I thought I was done with all that, thought I had let go of it all. But the truth was, I had in a way.... but I needed to get back to the good things, and not keep trying to push it ALL away - instead of just the hard stuff. Its okay to remember now... I like remembering. I miss him in a happy sense I guess. Its no longer a sad way of missing him.
I guess I just needed to get back here to heal. I needed to remember the good. Not just with my grandpa... God is actually making me face a lot of my past that I was running from lately. But its good. Im growing and healing!It has been very interesting to be challenged in such a weird way? Nothing that I would have expected. But my heart has changed, and its so awesome. :)
We are 11 months DTE June 6th. Its hard for me to see that number I guess. 1 year ago, we thought by this point we would be about to receive a referral. Its all changed.
When we began the process in February of 2012, the approx wait time by then was 12-14 months. Now we are looking at a possibility of 5 years. Breaks my heart to type that.
We are currently #63 on the unofficial waiting list for our agency. That number has not changed for about 2-3 months. Its depressing. We started out as #89, and that is all we have moved in nearly one year :/
Not depressing because of my own selfish desires by any means... but depressing because there are still children waiting too, just like we are but on the other end. Its not fair. Families ready, kiddos needing homes.... but red tape.
Unadoption related updates:
Daniel and I have had lots of change lately. We moved. New jobs. New church. A lot is different.
But for me, some things are still very much the same. You see, I did everything in power to avoid moving back to my hometown. I always swore when I left this place I would be GONE, and would not be coming back. When offered a job in my hometown, it was very hard to refuse. Great opportunity pay wise, and great benefits. BUT I still would not be living there. We searched and searched for houses in other towns about 30 minutes away. I am pretty positive we looked at 20+ houses trying to stay away. Every door was slammed in our face. ugh. So then, we decided to look there.... my hometown. And the exact day we went with our realtor to look at houses there, a PERFECT house popped up on the site. And it was just as gorgeous in person as in the photos. We could not turn down a great house, at a much better price than all the houses we had been looking at elsewhere. So here I am. Back in my hometown.
To be honest, I didn't get it. I did not understand why God led us here. Even in the midst of my swearing I wouldn't come back. EVER.
About a week or two of living here.... he showed me.
You see, in my previous posts I talk about my Senior year, and how it was such a hard year for me with my grandpa passing away.
I know, you're wondering what that has to do with it... Well you see, I was running away. trying to forget. I did not like driving by the places I used to see my grandpa every day, like the Donut Shop every morning. I hated driving by the High school and thinking of him bringing me lunch on occasion, or going to the wrestling tournaments or basketball games with him. It was too hard. I didnt want to remember. I didnt want to see it all.
But God has shown me, there is peace in those memories. They were the good times. They were the things I loved to remember. And my hurt and anger had made them bad... Grief does that I guess, ruins the good stuff. I thought I was done with all that, thought I had let go of it all. But the truth was, I had in a way.... but I needed to get back to the good things, and not keep trying to push it ALL away - instead of just the hard stuff. Its okay to remember now... I like remembering. I miss him in a happy sense I guess. Its no longer a sad way of missing him.
I guess I just needed to get back here to heal. I needed to remember the good. Not just with my grandpa... God is actually making me face a lot of my past that I was running from lately. But its good. Im growing and healing!It has been very interesting to be challenged in such a weird way? Nothing that I would have expected. But my heart has changed, and its so awesome. :)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
7 months DTE
Yesterday was our 7 month mark of waiting, and we are currently #69 on the Unofficial waiting list. We started out at #82, so were moving on up bit by bit.
We still have a ways to go but every little bit brings us one step closer.
I wanted to take a moment to tell everyone to go check out an organization I greatly appreciate. The work they are doing is great! It is called Both Ends Burning, you can check them out here: http://bothendsburning.org/ They have a petition you can sign to join forces with them in advocating for a better process for adoptions to be better streamlined and quicked to benefit both children and families. Which is very much needed!
They have a documentary that was filmed called STUCK, they will be doing a tour around the US to show this video. I want to encourage you to check out when they will be in your area, and consider going or even volunteering. I know my husband and I will be volunteering for them when they come to our state. I appreciate someone standing up to take a stand with us, and to fight for these children as well as for us families fighting this long hard battle of WAITING! So please go and check them out, and show your support for us adopting families by signing this petition.
We still have a ways to go but every little bit brings us one step closer.
I wanted to take a moment to tell everyone to go check out an organization I greatly appreciate. The work they are doing is great! It is called Both Ends Burning, you can check them out here: http://bothendsburning.org/ They have a petition you can sign to join forces with them in advocating for a better process for adoptions to be better streamlined and quicked to benefit both children and families. Which is very much needed!
They have a documentary that was filmed called STUCK, they will be doing a tour around the US to show this video. I want to encourage you to check out when they will be in your area, and consider going or even volunteering. I know my husband and I will be volunteering for them when they come to our state. I appreciate someone standing up to take a stand with us, and to fight for these children as well as for us families fighting this long hard battle of WAITING! So please go and check them out, and show your support for us adopting families by signing this petition.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
2013, already curious what you will bring....
Wow, did I not just post how God always takes care of ya?
Just some exciting news for us. We have wanted to move for awhile now, and we felt that God finally said its time!
There were lots of worries and concerns on my end, just because of me applying to get my masters, finding a job (Daniel can transfer with his), and us selling our house.
Believe me it has been a battle of me picking all my worries and fear up and then laying them back down for God to take care of it all. Because he who calls us is faithful! We've seen this over and over again with our adoption, but the control freak in me wants to make sure every detail is worked out! So its has been a constant tug-o-war between me and God on who is going to take care of it. lol. Finally I got to a point of, okay God this is all too crazy and hectic and there is no possible way I can make this happen myself. I need you to do your awesomeness and take care of it all!
And guess what... once again, he has shown that he has it, and I need to step back and get out of his way! haha
I had applied for a job with an Indian Tribe to do Child Welfare, and sadly did not get the position. I had called to follow up and got the news - I was discouraged and bummed and had no clue what I was going to do next. Not long after getting this news, I received a text from a friend offering me a job at her pharmacy! The job is a raise, paid benefits, and will be a not so stressful job for while I am in school for my masters. - I honestly could not believe how it all worked out, but he knew best!
Next worry was the house and worrying about it selling... We have had several interested, and it looks as though we might get it sold pretty quick! God is so good, and I continue to be amazed at how much he loves us, and wants to take care of things but our stubborn selves always make it so difficult.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
Just some exciting news for us. We have wanted to move for awhile now, and we felt that God finally said its time!
There were lots of worries and concerns on my end, just because of me applying to get my masters, finding a job (Daniel can transfer with his), and us selling our house.
Believe me it has been a battle of me picking all my worries and fear up and then laying them back down for God to take care of it all. Because he who calls us is faithful! We've seen this over and over again with our adoption, but the control freak in me wants to make sure every detail is worked out! So its has been a constant tug-o-war between me and God on who is going to take care of it. lol. Finally I got to a point of, okay God this is all too crazy and hectic and there is no possible way I can make this happen myself. I need you to do your awesomeness and take care of it all!
And guess what... once again, he has shown that he has it, and I need to step back and get out of his way! haha
I had applied for a job with an Indian Tribe to do Child Welfare, and sadly did not get the position. I had called to follow up and got the news - I was discouraged and bummed and had no clue what I was going to do next. Not long after getting this news, I received a text from a friend offering me a job at her pharmacy! The job is a raise, paid benefits, and will be a not so stressful job for while I am in school for my masters. - I honestly could not believe how it all worked out, but he knew best!
Next worry was the house and worrying about it selling... We have had several interested, and it looks as though we might get it sold pretty quick! God is so good, and I continue to be amazed at how much he loves us, and wants to take care of things but our stubborn selves always make it so difficult.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
Thursday, December 6, 2012
5 months waiting....
Today is our 5 month mark of being on the waiting list. Honestly, these past 5 months have truly flown by - and in no way am I complaining!!! I pray it continues to fly by until our child is in our arms. That is still however 2 more years down the road :(
Just sitting here trying to think of what to say... I can't help but think of all we have discovered about ourselves and learned in these last 5 months.
In our time of waiting, God has really shown me how truly passionate I am about adoption and orphans. He has led my heart to the decision of getting my Masters in Social Work. This has something I've wanted to do for some time now, but have truly done everything possible to avoid it. It scares me... I doubt myself and my abilities to do the school work for some reason. Not that I've ever been a bad student, just afraid I have forgotten it all being out of school this long. SO I have applied to OU for their MSW program, and will know if I have been accepted around April.
As much as this wasn't MY plan... it is God's. I sit and think how conveniently he has so perfectly worked everything out, and I am amazed. MY plan was to have a child by the age of 25. I'm 26, almost 27... and have 2 more years to wait to be a mom. I have applied 2xs to other colleges trying to do 2 yr quick degrees to get into the medical field, and both times nothing came from it. Here I am with 2 years to wait, and a deep deep desire to fight for orphans... and have that time to be able to go to school to do that. I guess we shall see if I get accepted... if not, I will still continue to do my best to get into the social work field in the area of adoption. I will always be their voice, and no matter where or what I am doing will do my best to advocate for them. I appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead us on this journey!
Just sitting here trying to think of what to say... I can't help but think of all we have discovered about ourselves and learned in these last 5 months.
- God will ALWAYS fulfill his promises! I knew that before, but had never walked it out and trusted that like we have with our adoption.
- You can push yourself to work way harder than you ever thought possible when thinking about a precious baby boy soon to be yours.
- We have already learned so much about being a parent, and we really aren't yet. We have already had to start protecting and fighting for our child.
- I have learned that I would be insane at this point if it wasn't for Daniel. He stays so calm and collected when I am freaking out... he has maintained the crazy!
- God has spoken things to my heart about my past and my life that has so deeply connected my heart to our future child in ways that I cannot even process. Read Here
- And lastly:
In our time of waiting, God has really shown me how truly passionate I am about adoption and orphans. He has led my heart to the decision of getting my Masters in Social Work. This has something I've wanted to do for some time now, but have truly done everything possible to avoid it. It scares me... I doubt myself and my abilities to do the school work for some reason. Not that I've ever been a bad student, just afraid I have forgotten it all being out of school this long. SO I have applied to OU for their MSW program, and will know if I have been accepted around April.
As much as this wasn't MY plan... it is God's. I sit and think how conveniently he has so perfectly worked everything out, and I am amazed. MY plan was to have a child by the age of 25. I'm 26, almost 27... and have 2 more years to wait to be a mom. I have applied 2xs to other colleges trying to do 2 yr quick degrees to get into the medical field, and both times nothing came from it. Here I am with 2 years to wait, and a deep deep desire to fight for orphans... and have that time to be able to go to school to do that. I guess we shall see if I get accepted... if not, I will still continue to do my best to get into the social work field in the area of adoption. I will always be their voice, and no matter where or what I am doing will do my best to advocate for them. I appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead us on this journey!
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