Been awhile....

Sorry, I know, I know.... I've been a slacker. Mostly because I'm just at a loss I guess for what to say and share.
We are 11 months DTE June 6th. Its hard for me to see that number I guess. 1 year ago, we thought by this point we would be about to receive a referral. Its all changed.

When we began the process in February of 2012, the approx wait time by then was 12-14 months. Now we are looking at a possibility of 5 years. Breaks my heart to type that.
We are currently #63 on the unofficial waiting list for our agency. That number has not changed for about 2-3 months. Its depressing. We started out as #89, and that is all we have moved in nearly one year :/
Not depressing because of my own selfish desires by any means... but depressing because there are still children waiting too, just like we are but on the other end. Its not fair. Families ready, kiddos needing homes.... but red tape.

Unadoption related updates:

Daniel and I have had lots of change lately. We moved. New jobs. New church. A lot is different.

But for me, some things are still very much the same. You see, I did everything in power to avoid moving back to my hometown. I always swore when I left this place I would be GONE, and would not be coming back. When offered a job in my hometown, it was very hard to refuse. Great opportunity pay wise, and great benefits. BUT I still would not be living there. We searched and searched for houses in other towns about 30 minutes away. I am pretty positive we looked at 20+ houses trying to stay away. Every door was slammed in our face. ugh. So then, we decided to look there.... my hometown. And the exact day we went with our realtor to look at houses there, a PERFECT house popped up on the site. And it was just as gorgeous in person as in the photos. We could not turn down a great house, at a much better price than all the houses we had been looking at elsewhere. So here I am. Back in my hometown.

To be honest, I didn't get it. I did not understand why God led us here. Even in the midst of my swearing I wouldn't come back. EVER.
About a week or two of living here.... he showed me.
You see, in my previous posts I talk about my Senior year, and how it was such a hard year for me with my grandpa passing away.
I know, you're wondering what that has to do with it... Well you see, I was running away. trying to forget. I did not like driving by the places I used to see my grandpa every day, like the Donut Shop every morning. I hated driving by the High school and thinking of him bringing me lunch on occasion, or going to the wrestling tournaments or basketball games with him. It was too hard. I didnt want to remember. I didnt want to see it all.
But God has shown me, there is peace in those memories. They were the good times. They were the things I loved to remember. And my hurt and anger had made them bad... Grief does that I guess, ruins the good stuff. I thought I was done with all that, thought I had let go of it all. But the truth was, I had in a way.... but I needed to get back to the good things, and not keep trying to push it ALL away - instead of just the hard stuff. Its okay to remember now... I like remembering. I miss him in a happy sense I guess. Its no longer a sad way of missing him.
I guess I just needed to get back here to heal. I needed to remember the good. Not just with my grandpa... God is actually making me face a lot of my past that I was running from lately. But its good. Im growing and healing!It has been very interesting to be challenged in such a weird way? Nothing that I would have expected. But my heart has changed, and its so awesome. :)