The Wilderness

As our adoption journey continues, and we keep pressing on. I keep going back to Exodus and the Israelites trek through the wilderness.

I keep going back and studying and studying trying to grasp what God is trying to show me. I keep feeling like we are there, walking in this wilderness.... having no idea when we will finally reach our destination. And having to completely trust God to provide all of our needs.

Then it clicked.

As I read of their time in the wilderness, I continue to see the many times they question God and worry that he isn't going to take care of them. First they were worried about water, then food, then water again. And every single time God proved that he had them in his hands the entire time.

Reading this from an outsiders view - I was like HELLO people! Don't you know he will take care of you, aren't you aware of all the amazing things he has done to provide in the past???

I read this when searching different studies on the wilderness online:
"Somehow, no matter how many times the Lord comes through for the Israelites, they are inclined to doubt God’s immediate presence and ability. After the plagues, the parting of the sea, the provision of water, bread, and quail, why would Israel not be absolutely confident whenever they encounter difficulty? Yet the slightest adversity throws them."


As I look back on our journey, I can see where every stumbling block, another increased wait time, or a denial of adopting kids that your heart just aches to be their parents.... every single time - we go back to God and whine and wonder where he's at in it all. If he's going to make it happen, if he is going to bring children into our home, if he will finally deliver and provide our hearts calling and desire. And every single time we are reminded of what he has done. We are reminded of his faithfulness and reminded of his promises. We by no means doubt God or doubt that adoption is something he has called us to... but we question his timing, we question the journey, and we question the hurts. Not much difference in us and the Israelites.

Why do we question when we know he has always been faithful? We can look back and very very evidently see Gods provision in ALL of it. We can see his provision in the hurts, in the set backs, in all the frustrations of waiting. He is there in all of it. Every part of our journey has led us to something better, and closer to our destination and yet we continue to question whether or not he is there in the wilderness with us.

Where are you at? Are you stuck in the wilderness questioning God's faithfulness? Look back and see all the things he has provided and been faithful in and remind yourself... there is no reason to doubt his presence, even in the wilderness.

God knows :)

If you would have asked Daniel and I one year and a half ago where we would be at in our lives right now. It definitely wouldn't have looked like this.

We were talking the other day, we thought we would have a referral from Ethiopia by now. We had this plan for our lives, and guess what - it didn't happen :) We think we know what our lives will be and how things will end up but the reality is - it is totally out of our hands and we have no clue. Only God does. He is the only one who knows what our lives will look like or where our journeys will take us.

When we began the process to adopt from ET, I was terrified to adopt through DHS. Being from a certain county in Oklahoma that's DHS has a terrible reputation - I was terrified to work with them. I didn't want anything to do with it. I always wanted to adopt through DHS but just knew I did not want to in that county because of all the terrible things I had heard. So that's why we decided to adopt through ET first - plus the fact that we knew we would have to fundraise and do lots of travel we thought doing this with no children would be easier.

Then all in a whirlwind it seemed, we fell in love with children in foster care, moved to my hometown, wait continues to increase for ET, decided to do foster care while we waited on the children in foster care, found out we aren't getting them, and now we are adopting/fostering through DHS - in a different county :) God has a way of making us do things. And I honestly truly believe that everything that happened with the kids has brought us to this point for a purpose. We have no clue what will come next, and honestly after everything listed above I have finally grasped - I need not even try to figure it out or guess. haha. Finally God I have learned I know nothing of what my future holds :)

I just want to encourage everyone that you feel like where your journey has ended up or taken you isn't what you were expecting... just wait. The journey is never ending and you have no clue where it will take you. Yes it will not be easy and it will hurt, but God's plan is so much greater than ours could ever be. And I have to continue to remind myself that God wants good things for me, and has BIG plans for me. I can't wait to see what's next, and am eager for our "next" to be some darn cute kids. haha