Not the news we were hoping for...

We are not getting the siblings we had been pursuing adopting in foster care.

As hard as it is to accept, we have great peace in it all and know that God's hand is definitely in all of it.

I have not shared much of the situation with the kids, because I don't know how much is too much to share. But all I can say is, the children we were pursuing were part of a large sibling set. Our hearts definitely would want them to be able to stay together if possible. And we had actually been praying that they would be, because we knew what would happen if that wasn't able to happen. But we wanted to be an option to adopt if they were not able to do this.

To sum up the email from the caseworker. We found a home for all of them, they will be moving to another state, it could take a little bit of time to get them there. The end.

My heart sank when I read the email. It was something God had laid on our hearts to pray for at our most recent Foster Care training. We felt that he led us to pray for them to find a family for all of the siblings to stay together. It was hard to pray against what our hearts wanted, but we did it. Haha we even considered taking them ALL to avoid praying for this, don't think that was what God intended. And he answered our prayers. We could not be more happy about that, if you could just see the love these kids have for one another you would understand. But we didn't expect it so fast. And regardless of praying for it, it was still something our hearts were a little shocked to hear. We love these kids so much. We have spent lots of time with them, and it would have been an honor to be their parents, but the fact is... its not happening.

Its been hard how callous some people have been upon hearing the news we weren't getting them. Like oh well, move onto the next kid. I don't think people grasp you have to grieve this vision you had for you future, grieve this family you were ready to start together. We had their middle names all picked out, and how we wanted to decorate their rooms, toys we had purchased. I think one of the hardest parts is grasping the fact that we will never know the people they will become. I desperately would love to know what they make of themselves in this world as they grow. Its so hard even when you tell yourself constantly that its a huge possibility. It still hurts.

The fact is, we're grieving and hurting the loss of our future with these children. But we know very well that God was all up in this whole situation, and I am thankful he let me in on it a bit by laying on my heart to pray for this. I was somewhat more prepared than I would have been had he not. So for that I am grateful.

Do I think our time with these kids was a waste? No!!! I know that God used them to open our eyes to SO MUCH! They blessed us in a mighty way and we will  never forget it. Without them we wouldn't have began the process to Foster, or be open to adopting older children, or be open to adopting siblings.... God has opened our eyes to some things that we will use to press forward and continue our journey with.

To be continued as to what our future holds...... Only the Lord knows haha!

I feel like a slacker...

Lately, I am just unmotivated. I feel like there is nothing to write about or share. We are stuck in the waiting part of our adoption and it seems as though it will continue to be a LONG time.

We received an email from our agency that once again the wait times have increased, it is now 30-36 months for a referral. Honestly, it will continue to increase is what we have been told. Its heartbreaking really. We feel stuck, and have no clue what's next.

With us trying to adopt through foster care - we have been told over and over to move on and forget these kids. Their case worker has told us that its going to take a LONG time because their case is so complex. We love these kids, and we can't just walk away from them. We just don't feel like we can move on until they are in a permanent placement. We are praying for a miracle and praying that God will fight for us and these kids. That he will move mountains for them. Please pray with us.

One thing we have come to the conclusion of, is we are tired of waiting - we are tired of having a calling in our hearts and not being able to see put this calling into action. So we have decided that while we wait on both Ethiopia and the siblings in foster care that we are going to become foster parents. We just want to feel like we are doing something productive and meaningful. Our training starts this Saturday- we are very excited about getting this process started. Please pray for us in this adventure, I know it is going to be so hard to let these kids into our hearts, and then they leave... But pray that God would just protect our hearts and allow us to be the love these children need why they are waiting until their situations are worked out where they are able to go back to their family or while they are waiting for a new one.

I do want to share this - I had the blessing of getting to attend a Tim Timmons worship service along with All Sons and Daughters. I was SO blessed by his music - if you've never heard of him - please go check him out! I wanted to share one of his songs that just meets me where I've been the last couple months.

"Great Reward"

I trust in You for every heartbeat
As long as I'm alive
Your love endures when I wake
And when I close my eyes

Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control

Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward

I won't demand to know the reasons
For my suffering
These open hands will trust Your wisdom
Beyond what I see

Help me to know You are God, I am not
Remind my soul You're in control

Praise to the Father
With every breath I take
In joy and sorrow
All for Your kingdom's sake
Be Thou my vision
Be Thou my hope restored
Now and forever
You are my great reward
Oh Lord, my great reward

I know this is dangerous
Daring just to pray this
I will trust You Lord
The rock throughout the ages
You make me courageous
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord